


Why We Do What We Do

by Kisafander



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:48:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisafander/pseuds/Kisafander
Summary: Why do we do the things we do?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 34
Kudos: 68





	1. The Drive

No one would look for him.

Honestly, he didn’t understand why he thought they actually cared about him, but he shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. 

He just had to get to somewhere new, somewhere away from them.

The nighttime scenery whizzed by him to fast for his eyes to discern anything other than a blur of movement and color.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, the feel of the coarse material and his strong grip comforting him, as it was one of the only things he could count on. 

He idly tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. 

Even so, the silence was deafening.

He fiddled with the dial for a few seconds before the radio whirred to life with a burst of static before automatically adjusting to the nearest station. Since he did actually care what station he was listening to, it stayed there.

Time went by. Seconds. Minutes. Then hours. 

His eyes were starting to droop.

 _It is not good to drive when you need to sleep! Pull over!_ His mind yelled at him, but he simply batted them away mentally to the back of mind.

Another 30 minutes.

The radio, which had been a source of distraction, now served as a sort of white noise. His eyes started to drop with more consistency now, and he was losing track of where on the road he was. He caught his eyes staying closed for a beat too long, and saw he he had veered a little into the other lane when his eyes opened again. Thankfully, no one was coming the other way and he corrected himself with a slight turn of the wheel.

_I just need a different radio station._

He shook his head as he turned the knob, again to a station he didn’t care to pay attention to other than the company it provided.

He hummed thoughtlessly as he returned his hand to the wheel.

Another 15 minutes.

That’s all it took.

And his eyes closed.


	2. The Sky is Beautiful Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan is going about his teacherly duties when something catches his attention that changes everything.

“Wow! Look at that!” “Woah!” “So cool!” A chorus of voices shouted.

Logan looked up from where he was into the night sky and caught a ‘shooting star’ streaking across the sky. He was mildly surprised that he had enough time to see it by the time whoever had seen it and exclaimed and he had looked up. He allowed a small grunt to pass through his lips.

Logan disliked calling them ‘shooting stars’, because they were merely bits of rock and ice that had been shucked off a comet or were tiny bits of rock and dust from impacts of planets or asteriods far away that just happened to enter the Earth’s atmosphere. The only reason they looked like ‘stars’ at all was because they were burning up in the atmosphere from the very high temperature molecules of the mesosphere being pushed together, causing a massive amount of friction to very rapidly wear away at whatever rock/meteor was entering the atmosphere. 

Logan always found the Mesosphere fascinating though. Temperature wise it was the coldest layer, but yet each individual particle contains so much energy. It was very distinct from the Thermosphere above, in that it’s the last layer to contain a significant amount of ozone or even just air for that matter. This ozone was the reason for it to deviate so far into being colder than the troposphere of daily life, because the Thermosphere was the hottest layer of the atmosphere and that sits above the Mesosphere.

Logan coughed a little to clear his throat before continuing.

“Great job on spotting that Cal! Remind me when we go inside and you’ll get a piece of candy.” Logan projected while still gazing up to where the meteor had been.

“Score!” came Cal’s familiar voice to his right a few telescopes down.

Logan inwardly and sarcastically rolled his eyes, but he would _never_ be so unprofessional to disrespect a student like that, much less _his_ students.

_College kids and their excitement for free food._

Logan dropped his gaze down from the sky and returned to what he was doing, helping one of his students navigate the controls of her telescope. 

“When it comes to a telescope, even the tiniest movement can sweep over what you are looking for, so always double check the coordinates you have inputed into it, okay?” 

The student, Grace, only kept her gaze on the telescope with an expression of a confusion that he probably had once shared the first time he had used telescope.

Logan waited for the student to say something, before adjusting his glasses and standing up from the stool he had been using when he was looking in the telescope when he got no response. 

He patted Grace’s shoulder. “You’ll get the hang of it. You have the coordinates on your sheet, just use the paddle to input them and look through the eyepiece right here. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for, put the telescope on the lowest speed and move around until you find that signature faint green blob of the nebula.” Logan affirmed as he pointed his finger to the small eyepiece he had been observing through and then picking up the paddle from it’s place and then returned it back.

“If you still can’t find it, call me or one of my TA’s over to help. The universe is a big place, don’t sweat it if you can’t find what you’re looking for.” Logan smiled a small smile to punctuate his statement.

It could’ve been the very dim red lamps they used for lighting their workspace, but Logan thought he saw Grace blush as she mumbled a small “Thank you” before turning to the telescope and retrieving the paddle to do her work for the class.

Logan strolled over to where his 2 TA’s were standing, chatting about whatever.

“Hey Ramie, Mike! How are they all doing?” Logan’s voice was enough to stop their conversation, but Logan doubted any of his students who could vaguely hear what they were saying were perturbed.

Ramie spoke first. “Good! Theo is getting along nicely with the focus and Alex found the first nebula using the manual controls and the coordinate sheet instead of letting the computer do it.”

“Nice! It seems Cal has some competition for best Astronomy student of the class. But... you didn’t hear that from me.” Logan lowered his voice and placed his hand like he was trying not to let Cal hear to punctuate his statement.

_Alex is a lot like me, wanting to prove he knows how to do things without anyone’s help. I just hope he doesn’t get too far ahead of himself. God knows I was too smart for my own good when I was his age._

“Ha ha! Sure, sure. All good here too. I love that tonight will be so easy! They’re all such good kids. Honestly I think this semester’s going to be a breeze.” Mike interjected with a laugh as Raime went over to a student raising their hand.

Logan’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it. It was not professional to check his phone while he was teaching, and he was sure it was a notification from one of the puzzle games he had to entertain himself with on his phone.

“Well, when you’re doing midnight labs, you only get the students who actually want to be here. Not many would want to have a class that ends at barely before midnight. And anyone who came here more for the party scene than to further their education would weed themselves out the moment they saw when Astronomy labs would be.” Logan articulated as he watched Ramie converse with the student about whatever problem they had. Instinctively and unconsciously, Logan lightly patted the pocket of his pants that contained his phone.

“True that.” Mike replied while also observing Ramie help the student.

They sat in silence for a moment or two before Logan’s pocket buzzed again, but Logan ignored it as before. Logan knew it was probably the secondary alert for when a notification stays unopened, he would clear it away later. Mike’s eyes flitted to Logan’s pocket for a second before seeming to think better of something, quickly returning to look at Ramie. Logan caught the glance, but decided to ignore it. 

Mike could have whatever assumption he had, really, Logan couldn’t care less about stuff like that, as long as his assumptions didn’t hinder him in his duty as a TA. 

After Ramie came back, Logan and the TA’s devised a game of Name that Constellation. Everyone would take turns scanning the sky, and when they found each constellation they would name it and any interesting fact about the myth. And if they couldn’t find a constellation or remember the myth to go with it fast enough, that person would be the next to help a student with their telescope.

Luckily, Logan was an astronomy teacher for a reason, and his TAs were grossly outplayed. Ramie was the first to fall and looked subtly peeved as she then waited for the inevitable hand raise. Mike, luckily for Raime, fell next as his eyes searched the sky for a familiar pattern only to be met by a indistinguishable field of dots. 

Now, both of the TAs were waiting for Logan to falter. 1, 2, 3, 4 rounds and Logan always kept managing to spot countless constellations that they had apparently looked over multiple times with the ease of an adult reading a book for small children learning to read. And even the myths were explained in great detail, not just the basic premise of their myths, the full stories with their exposition, rising action, climax, and resolution. 

Granted, this was the first outside lab of the year, but Ramie and Mike shared the same assumption: that they knew their teacher.

But with this development, both Ramie and Mike shared a look that they both knew meant W _e have a lot to learn apparently._

Not only about astronomy, but their teacher as well.

Now Logan did not see their shared glances as he was scanning the sky for his next target, but was broken out of his focusing when his phone went off again.

Logan’s heart sank.

It was a call this time.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to take this call.” Logan excused himself while keeping a mask of indifference with a small dash of embarrassment mixed in.

Logan’s pace remained measured as he descended the small flight of stairs near him, but once he was out of sight, his quickened his pace significantly as he reached the door back into the main classroom.

There was only was one person this could be calling and he knew that they would only call if it was truly important/urgent.

Logan’s heartbeat quickened as he opened the door to the empty classroom. He had pulled the phone from his pocket at some point in his trek, but didn’t want to answer too soon as to be unable to hear the call. Without looking at the lock screen, Logan pressed the call button to accept the call.

He brought the phone to his ear. 

Before Logan could say anything Patton’s voice flooded into Logan’s ear. Patton only got through one sentence before his cries took over his words where they essentially became a part of his crying as the call dropped with Logan’s shitty cell reception.

That one sentence made Logan drop his phone with trembling hands as he burst into tears himself, making Logan sway before sinking into the nearest chair. However, Logan did not have the luxury to cry outright, only letting silent tears leak from his eyes as he took in what Patton meant.

Logan picked his phone back up and saw 10 missed texts from Patton, and kicked himself for not even considering to at least glance at his phone before Patton was resorted to calling him to get his proper attention.

Logan stopped short in his emotional mire, struck by a wave of realization, his jaw setting into a stern and determined expression. Logan knew what he had to do.

Logan swiftly composed himself, wiping away the stray tears from his eyes, as he returned back to his TAs, beckoning them over to where he was at the top of the stairs.

“I have to go. Can you hold down the metaphorical fort with just the 2 of you for the rest of class?” Logan’s mask of indifference was back, hoping that neither the TAs or the students near him could tell he had been crying moments before.

Ramie and Mike now shared a glance Logan caught at full force this time. “We’ll fine, like you said, most of the kids in this class are here because they know what they’re doing.” Mike replied with a hint of something more gentle than Logan had ever seen on Mike’s face and for that he was grateful.

The silence hung between them as a silent message was implied from what they didn’t say. _We know you well enough to know that whatever this is is serious. We’ll cover for you. Go._

Logan nodded as he turned and briskly maneuvered down the steps, gathering what little paper material he required for teaching his midnight astronomy class and in short order found himself cranking his car into reverse and driving towards his destination, knowing exactly where he needed to go.

The problem was, in other circumstances, he would enjoy going to his destination.

But the sentence Patton uttered on the phone changed everything. Logan knew those 7 words would haunt him for years to come. 7 words to turn Logan’s world on it’s head.

“They found him, but it’s really bad.”


	3. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone goes to dinner, but something is bound to break.

_Five hours earlier_

“Here we are!” Patton piped up as Logan, Roman, Virgil and Patton arrived at the location of their FamILY dinner, as Patton called it.

 _This is the 3rd time we’ve been to an Italian restaurant this month and we’re not even 3 weeks into the year. Honestly the only thing that we agree on with this place is their pasta. But as long as we’re here, the pasta is going to be delicious! The boys_ love _their pasta._

Patton rolled his eyes as they entered into the restaurant’s immaculate foyer, passing the line of people going out the door. 

“Wow! It’s really busy tonight! Wonder what so special about today!” exclaimed Roman, who surged up to where the hosts were waiting, getting a few side-eyes from the line they had just passed. Patton just gave them a subtly, almost cheeky smile, as if he didn’t understand why they were looking at him.. 

Luckily for the little group, they had made a reservation early enough to be seated within minutes whereas there was a line out the door for the unfortunate majority that did know about the online reservation system the restaurant had. But then again, coming to this restaurant in particular at least once every 2 weeks since they were kids, if not more often, would get you swiftly accustomed to their way of doing things. 

Their host’s eyes lit up as they had approached to confirm their reservation and Patton swore that she had done something to bump them up because with how quickly they had been seated and where they were seated, it should’ve been a quarter hour. 

“I’ve wondered when you boys would be coming back next, anything new to speak about?” their host, Kiki bubbled as they neared her podium.

“Nothing more notable than last time Kiki.” Virgil snarked playfully, but as he said it, a blush creeped up on his cheeks. Roman’s face also turned a similar shade of red at Virgil’s words.

“Oh, don’t get me started about last time! When you told me you and Roman had finally planned to go out as a couple, I was over the moon! I don’t know how you two were so clueless about each other’s feelings when you have spent every day since you both started high school together.” Kiki snarked back as she automatically grabbed the menus and steered them to what they had claimed as ‘their’ booth, a semi circular booth, the kind that made it impossible to get out of if you were in the middle.

 _The Death Trap._ They had come to call it that after many friendly squabbles and refusals of whoever was on outside to relent to move out the way of another person. Patton himself didn’t remember who first coined the moniker, either Virgil or Roman, but had stuck and Patton couldn’t think of anything more fitting to call it.

“We don’t know either.” Logan replied as Patton felt Logan instinctively grab Patton’s arm, which Patton responded to by intertwining their arms together instead, earning a gentle, playful glare from Logan as they walked along. Patton felt Logan rub a finger over Patton left ring finger where their wedding band resided.

“Damn right! …Wait, Don’t you have midnight lab today, Logan?” Kiki enquired as she instinctively weaved through the tables and servers, but her head turned looking at Logan. _Impressive._

“Yes, but you know I can’t possibly pass up our bi-monthy escapade to our most delectable choice of cuisine when there is no reason to refuse as is a tradition not easily thwarted.” Logan articulated as Patton felt him subtly squeeze his hand, which then earned Logan a glare of his own from Patton. 

_You lovable nerd._

“Nerd.” Patton mumbled loud enough for Logan to hear, but both Logan’s response and their impromptu glaring game came to an end as they finally reached their destination at T _he Death Trap_.

“Well then, I must spread the message that our 4 favorite boys are here and to give them the best service they can.” Kiki affirmed with a wink as she placed the menus on the table and then walked briskly out of sight.

Everyone was seated in _The Death Trap_ with Logan and Patton to the left, Roman and Virgil to the right. Logan and Roman being on outside.

All of them got their usual, which their server didn’t even have to ask each of them in turn, just uttering a short ”Y’alls usuals?” And when they answered in the affirmative, the server quickly picked up the menus that were still in the same pile that Kiki had brought them in, which made Patton wonder why Kiki bothered with giving them the menus every time they came in. They knew the menus forwards and backwards.

After they were seated with drinks, the meal became a blur. Appetizers, then main meal and then the check was suddenly on the table

They were discussing the semantics of when jello became a solid, with Logan arguing the scientific side when the jello was uniformly under 0 degrees Celsius as a large component of jello was water (Logan had a large distaste for America’s measurement systems and refused to use Fahrenheit). Roman argued that it was only when it was at a certain consistency, which he could not define, but insisted on challenging Logan’s assertion with his own nonetheless. 

Patton was never one to argue like this, but he enjoyed seeing Roman and Logan’s mental sparing. It was an interesting, no, entertaining thing to watch. Like a metaphorical gladiator battle, only Logan was almost always the winner and there was no blood to be shed. ‘Almost always’ being something Logan would deny to this day, but a little after all 4 of them had met as a group of friends, they had gotten into a debate about the size of the universe. 

Roman, as stubborn as ever, had brought up that the universe was around 100 billion light years in diameter, smug that he knew a scientific fact that would make _him_ right. Logan quickly shot back that it was only the _observable_ universe that was referring to and that the complete universe was _much_ bigger. Roman retorted something along the lines that there was no way to measure how big the universe really was, so by default, Roman was right.

“No! The physical limit of the speed of light and the fact that you know the limit of the observable universe does not change the fact that the universe is no doubt infinitesimally big, unlike your brain!” Logan had huffed in frustration. 

“Hey, that was uncalled for!” Roman had exclaimed before they both went silent glaring at each other in what Patton had learned was not malice, but a mutual respect of each other’s debating ability. Virgil had not yet figured that out so he was bug-eyed and trembling slightly at their increasing intensity.

Patton had let the silence permeate for a moment or two before he piped up with a “Wait, doesn’t infinitesimal mean really, really small, not really, really big?” along with his signature head tilt he used for when he didn’t understand.

Logan had paused in what he going to say as Patton interjected and then started again, “No, Patton, I know my wo-”, before he froze with a look of realization that turned him beet red, which Patton realized later he had found really cute (Flustered Logan was best Logan in Patton’s opinion). Logan had run off to escape embarrassment while Roman bragged to Patton and Virgil that the infallible Logan had lost to the magnanimous Roman, who was giving him mercy by not pursuing him after Roman’s victory.

_Just Logan being Logan and Roman being Roman._

However, Patton was pulled from his reminiscing by Virgil chiming in with a third opinion, that jello was both and neither, it was like a cat. It could conform to any container it was placed in, but was a solid that didn’t run when it was freestanding.

Patton reeled back out of surprise from whatever position he had been while he had been spacing out and turned to his left to stare at Virgil.

In all his years, there had never been a third contender in the ring of debate, this was new and exciting territory. Patton waited almost pensively for the other’s responses.

“But it does that when it’s liquid! If you take the jello out it stays in the same shape, and plus something can’t be both phases!” Roman retorted without hesitation.

“Concur with both of you, I still believe it only becomes a solid once the optimum temperature is reached, but when it is in the process of cooling down, I would agree with Virgil.” Logan proposed with expression of surprise probably similar to Patton’s.

“But that doesn’t make sense, neither of you are right! Jello is solid when you can stick your finger in and your finger doesn’t come back covered in liquid jello, that’s a foolproof theory!” Roman interjected, which cause Logan to raise his eyebrows.

“No it’s like a cat!” Virgil restated with a fire Patton had never seen in his eyes.

_Oh, that’s new._

“No it’s not, cat is a living thing and jello is a food! Why have you chosen now to start debating with us? I would’ve understood joining us earlier, but Logan and I have been doing this for years ever since we’ve met. Why don’t you leave the debating to the professionals?” Roman snickered as he seemed to turn himself full force against Virgil.

Virgil’s froze for a second before his eyes bugged out, reminding Patton of that infamous argument Logan and Roman had.

“What?” Virgil growled, causing Patton’s heart to seize, this… this was something different. This argument was turning into something dangerous.

“What? I’m just saying that we’ve been doing this a whole lot longer than you have so you’re not going to win the first round on your first time out.” Roman declared with pride.

_Abort! Abort! Abort!_

Logan tried to say something, to defuse the rapidly escalating argument, but was interrupted by Virgil.

“Well I’ve been listening you two bicker for years, you think I’m dull enough to not pick something up from your silly show?!” Virgil scowled as Patton saw his hands morph into fists.

Patton gently grasped Virgil’s arm in an attempt to calm him down, but Virgil brushed him off with glare as he waited for Roman’s response with a much harsher glare that Roman didn’t seem to register at all.

Roman seemed unperturbed as he responded with “Our debates aren’t silly! What would make you say that?” and a sly smile.

That was apparently the wrong thing to say and do, as Virgil exploded past Roman and all but ran out of the restaurant, causing Roman to curse as Virgil squeezed past him uncomfortably. Roman shot a glance of confusion at Logan and Patton as he quickly followed after his boyfriend, careful not to make a scene of himself. 

Patton gestured for Logan to exit as well, but Logan shook his head. “Someone needs to pay the check, if you want to follow them you can, I can’t stop you, but I need to stay.” Patton squeezed Logan’s hand and nodded before scooting out the other direction and walking as briskly as he could to catch up with Virgil and Roman.

When he reached them in the parking lot, Roman was grabbing Virgil’s hand to stop him.

_No Roman, no!_

“Virgil, wait-”

Virgil pulled his hand back like Roman’s touch burned him, wheeling back to face Roman.

“Get the fuck away from me! I need some fucking time away from this bullshit!” Virgil snarled as his knuckles turned white from how much he was squeezing his hands into a fist. 

Roman made a strangled noise before retaliating, matching Virgil’s intensity in response. “Well, this _bullshit_ is your fucking boyfriend Virgil! I don’t know what’s gotten you so worked up, but apparently I was wrong to let you into our debate at all if it’s going to make you this worked u-”

Roman was interrupted by Virgil punching him square in the jaw.

“Fuck you! You never did respect me. Your head’s always been too far up your ass to ever respect me like a proper boyfriend.” Virgil spat as Roman staggered back both from the punch and the surprise of Virgil hitting him and Virgil turned continuing back to his car. 

Patton held Roman’s shoulders for a beat as he had almost fallen, but Roman angrily shook him off. Patton’s heart dropped as he realized thing had gotten way out of hand.

Roman’s gaze quickly hardened into a fury matching Virgil’s, “Well when you get the balls enough to come back to me I can assure you that we are done!” Roman rose his voice to shout as Virgil opened the door to his car.

“Fine!” Virgil’s car door slammed.

“Fine!” Roman snarled as he stalked over to his own car, ignoring Patton’s pleas for him to stay. Only pausing to turn back to give a Patton a glimpse of the growing bruise on the left side of his face and Roman’s contemptuous expression. 

“Some best friends you are, I thought you would care enough to protect me, or at least do something.” Roman snapped as he got into his car and slammed the door.

Patton could swear he heard his heart break.

Patton felt helpless as he felt Logan’s hand settle onto his shoulder. Without hesitation, he turned to bury his face into Logan’s shoulder. Logan’s hand instinctively held the back of Patton’s head as he spoke.

“It’s going to be okay, Patton, they just need time to cool off. You know how we were when we were young, their tempers just need time to back down and let what they both said sink in. You know they love each other, this won’t stop them.” Logan consoled him as Patton trembled in his arms, shuddering but Patton was somehow to hold back his cries.

Distantly, he heard two engines start up and then go in opposite directions until he couldn’t hear them anymore over his shuddering breaths.

For both Roman and Virgil’s sakes, Patton hoped Logan was right.


	4. What's behind curtain number 1?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton gets the news.

_Present_

Patton had been mindlessly going around the house doing anything and everything to occupy his mind. But still, thoughts were constantly swirling through his mind, caught under a Niagara Falls level of current that kept his mind as restless as his body was.

_Where are they? Has anything happened to them? Will they come back to any semblance of understanding? Is their relationship forever ruined? Please be okay. I want them to be okay. Gotta stop. Calm. Calm down. Breathe._

At some point in his thought process, his breathing had become labored and he was brought to the sudden awareness of his lungs begging to BREATHE DEEP. Patton paused in what he was doing and hunched over slightly to try and will more air into his lungs. 

As he gazed at the tiled floor of the kitchen, his lungs were filled with air slowly as he breathed in deep, both to provide a release from the lack of oxygen and to calm himself. What had he been doing?

Patton straightened himself back upright before looking around and properly taking in his surroundings. He didn’t remember how got there, any memories he tried to recall of the past hour were met with fuzzy recollections of various parts of the house with a very distinct feeling of distress he had been feeling and still felt even as he gathered himself and assessed where he was. 

Patton looked at the clock on the microwave.

11:17pm. 

Logan was at his class right now, he had left 3 hours ago after reassuring Patton for the umpteenth time that everything would be okay, that Roman and Virgil were just like that. 

“You know how we were when we younger, that time we split up because we disagreed over that puppy?” Logan had promised as he ran his right thumb just below Patton’s lip as he cupped his hand under Patton’s chin, trying to search Patton’s eyes. The floor had been much more entertaining at that moment as Patton looked away from Logan as Patton made an involuntary noise of distress.

“But…but…but this is so much different. I didn’t say I hated you. I didn’t _hit_ you. I didn’t… didn’t…” Patton sniffled as little tears finally came to his eyes and slowly rolled down his face.

Logan slowly turned Patton’s face but to face towards him, and Patton allowed himself to make eye contact with his husband. Logan was always the strong one, always the one to comfort Patton when he was sad, whatever the circumstance. He never complained, he never got short with Patton even when Patton could tell Logan was frustrated or getting impatient.

But for the first time Patton could remember, he saw Logan’s eyes and looked _into_ them. They were a deep blue, while they both genetically had blue eyes, their eyes differed so much. Patton’s eyes trended more towards looking almost gray in pigment, while Logan’s eyes held what seemed like all the pigment that Patton’s eyes lacked and then some. 

But as Patton looked into Logan’s eyes, he saw a vast azure expanse of the evening sky. Sparse dots scatted in a deep, dark blue that stretched as far as the eyes could see into the horizon. 

And for the first time, Patton looked into Logan’s eyes, and saw tears.

Logan gave Patton a small, sad smile before soothing out a “We still did some stupid shit. You know Virgil’s going to beat himself up for punching Roman and Roman will never live down what he said. But they’ll be okay, they’ve always come back around right? All we can do is wait. Don’t- don’t worry to much” as he brought his hand to cup Patton’s cheek.

“Lo…” was all Patton could manage as he leaned into Logan’s touch as he let a light chuckle escape him. 

Logan responded by embracing Patton once more, not seeming to notice or care about the tears that suddenly dotted the front of his shirt.

For a time, they stayed like this, soaking in each other’s warmth until Logan pulled back and checked his watch.

“I need to leave soon if I want to have time to prepare for my class. You good?” Logan wasted no time looking long at his watch as his eyes immediately returned to meet Patton’s eyes.

Patton responded by raising himself on his tiptoes and placing a kiss on Logan’s lips. Logan’s eyes widened, but as Patton pulled away, a genuine smirk played across his features.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” 

Patton smiled sadly at the memory, a flash of recollection as he gazed at the time. 

11:17pm

But anything he was going to do next was interrupted by the ringing of his cellphone, breaking the spell of silence that he hadn’t even realized had filled his ears.

His heart dropped for the second time that night.

At this time of night, he knew that anyone calling had a damn good reason to try and contact him. And with that events of that evening, his mind had kicked itself into high gear from merely the implication that someone was going to have news for him. 

Please let his friends be okay. 

Who was he kidding? 

With a slight tremor in his hands, Patton gingerly picked up his phone and read who was calling and then answered.

“Hey Valerie. To what do I owe the pleasure of your late night call?” Patton bubbled with a fake enthusiasm even he could tell sounded anything but happy.

That was the thing, Valerie worked at the local hospital and she never called during her shift, Patton knew for sure that she had night shift tonight as they had exchanged texts as he had been getting ready for their dinner.

“Patton, you need come here. One of your friends just came in. He’s not in good condition. I don’t know what happened, but it looked really bad. I- I don’t even know if he may make it.” Valerie panickingly exclaimed but was cut off by her own small cries as she tried to continue.

Patton froze.

_No. No. No. No! No! No! NO!_

If he thought his heart had broken before, that was nothing compared to the overwhelming feeling of his heart being reduced to dust particles. 

One his friends was hurt and the fact was, he was to blame.

Patton didn’t remember hanging up the phone or saying bye to Valerie on the phone, he didn’t remember getting into his car or pulling out of the driveway. All he knew was that suddenly was driving as fast as he could down the road without going dangerously and illegally over the speed limit. 

Patton’s heavy breathing was back and was bordering dangerously on hyperventilation.

_Roman or Virgil is hurt, and hurt bad. I-_

Patton cried out almost involuntarily.

 _And I could’ve fucking done at least something to prevent it!_

Patton zoomed down back roads and up side streets.

All the while he had the wherewithal to shoot Logan texts throughout both his trek up to his car and as he neared his destination. Every red light felt like it was lasting for hours, but he couldn’t abandon his friend by getting pulled over, so he endured all the while, spending that time sending texts as he could so much safer while not in motion.

Finally, he saw the sign for the hospital, relief ebbing some of the tension he didn’t even realize he was harboring as he drove.

He veered his car as fast he dared into the closest available parking space in the hospital’s parking lot. Catapulting himself out of his car, he flew towards the entrance as fast as his legs could carry him.

The automatic doors opened as he approached, where he slowed down his pace to not come in the hospital looking like a complete manic of panic. Patton thought for a moment to ask Valerie where she was, but as he entered he saw her beside the counter. Her face lit up slightly as she registered his arrival as she ran up and embraced Patton. Pulling back, Patton was able to see her red-rimmed eyes.

“Patton! Thank goodness! I don’t know what’s happening but from what I saw, whoever it was did not look good. You four look so similar to each other. He’s in surgery now, so I can’t tell you for sure when you’ll be able to see him. He got in a car accident and according to what I heard, it looked like a really bad accident. But I’m sure it… it will be okay… he’ll pull through… Did you contact Logan?”

Patton sniffed as he recognized that tears were streaming down his face, and felt faint tear paths snaking down his face that were apparently from his drive over. 

He rubbed them away before he responded.“I’ve been texting him while I came over here, but he’s in class so he probably has his phone on silent or isn’t checking it because it wouldn’t be proper or professional to use his phone while he’s working.”

Patton chuckled softly, but it held none of the gusto of his true laugh as his face immediately dropped back into a sad expression.

“I’m gonna go back outside to call him, text me or come and get me when you get any news on his condition.” Patton wearily responded as he went out the way he had come in moments earlier, pulling out his phone.

“Of course, Patton.” Valerie said as he turned to go back outside. 

As he speed-dialed his husband’s number, he was woefully underprepared for the full force of what was happening to crash down on him as the adrenaline had more or less subsided. Patton bawled into the phone as it indicated the call was ringing on the other end.

When Logan picked up, Patton’s mouth moved before his brain as he heard himself say “They found him, but it’s really bad” before his throat closed up and he sobbed into the phone, lost in his sadness.

_No. Virgil! Roman! I can’t lose either of you! Please, whoever it is please be okay! I will kill you if you die on us! Please! Please. Please… please._

At some point, Patton was able to gather himself again and take stock of himself once more. His phone had long been hung up on Logan’s end and had shut itself off automatically as it wasn’t being used. Patton gazed at it’s impassive surface, feeling like it was mocking him as it reflected his broken visage right back at him. His eyes were now also red-rimmed and he saw the faint outline of his tears he had on his face were glinting in the harsh light of the hospital’s lamppost. Like stars in the night sky.

Patton suddenly shivered as he all at once realized how fucking cold he was. Like an afterthought, he pulled his light jacket around him in a feeble attempt to warm himself back up. In his rush to get to the hospital, he had stupidly forgotten that today was going to be the coldest of the year for the area and the only protection he had from the biting cold was a thin jacket that Patton could wear in summer time if he wanted. He had been so overwhelmed with emotion that it was only now he was truly able to register or even care about the cold.

But as he turned to go back inside and escape the bitter cold, a familiar roar of a car caught his ear. The roar of the engine was decently loud but not abrasive, as well as being ear-catching without being outright annoying. It sounded just like his husband’s car.

As Patton would be falling asleep, some nights he heard the rumble of Logan’s car as he nearing their house. In a way it became it’s own kind of lullaby that Patton looked forward to on the nights Logan had night lab or a shift at the nearby observatory.

Patton’s eyes blurred as he whipped his head back to see Logan’s familiar cool blue car enter the hospital parking lot at an almost dangerous speed, no doubt very similar how Patton had come in not a dozen minutes previous. 

Cold forgotten, Patton hurtled himself at the rapidly slowing car as it settled into a parking space beside Patton’s light blue car. And as the car door opened, Patton was able to see Logan’s face. Tears that mirrored his own greeted him for the second time that night. 

“Logan!”

“Patton!”

Patton tackled Logan in a bear hug that nearly knocked him down, but Logan merely staggered and reciprocated the embrace. 

Patton felt like he had been crying for hours already, but in his husband’s arms allowed himself to let out anything he had left. For the first time, though, he felt a twin pair of tears also drip onto his back as Logan, the brilliant, smart, impassive Logan, cry as Patton had never known.

Again, the torrent of emotions and tears that seemed like they would never end slowly gave way to a comforting silence of just existing in each other’s arms as they had done a few hours previous.

“I think we should get inside, you’re shivering from the cold.” Logan broke the silence with an uncharacteristically wavering voice.

Patton realized that even within the warm embrace of Logan, he still felt _really_ cold and responded with a small nod and a sniffle, whether from the cold or from crying he wasn’t sure. As pulled back the cold hit him full force and made him shiver violently as his arms rubbed at his arms.

“Take my coat, I think you’ve been out here for too long without the proper protection.” Logan said, seeming concerned at how much Patton was shivering.

“Thanks, Lolo.” Patton muttered as he shrugged on Logan’s coat for the short walk into the hospital.

Logan’s coat was adorably a size or 2 too big for Patton, so his hands were lost in a mass of sleeve as he pulled at his sleeves to try and gain access to his hands. 

Patton didn’t know it, but Logan found it cute for his husband to try to wear Logan’s clothes because they always engulfed him and made him look adorably small in comparison.

Once they settled down in the waiting room, the time that had so easily felt like it was flying by before ground to an excruciating halt. Somehow even a minute felt like it was dragging itself into hours of time.

An hour later that to the couple felt like a full week of time, Valerie rushed up to the pair and hurriedly asked them to follow her. Apparently, he had gotten out of surgery and had been moved to a recovery room as they monitored him. They could finally see him as he was stable enough to allow family to see him and as far as Patton and Logan were concerned, they were _definitely_ family for him.

They both jumped up immediately to follow Valerie to his recovery room.

To Patton, the hospital’s halls seemed to twist and turn in a labyrinthian manner, but Valerie was not perturbed as she led the couple toward the recovery room.

Valerie entered first and paused before looking back at Patton and Logan before pensively pulling back the curtain.

Patton choked down a sob.

The figure in the bed was definitely their friend, but under bandages and trauma on his body, still neither of them could tell who it was, his clothes had no doubt been cut open to provide medical assistance, so even that wasn’t an indication. The steady beeping of the heart monitor felt like was pounded the reality of the situation in with every little beep.

“Oh baby…” was all Patton could manage to say at the sight of this broken man.

They cautiously approached the figure on the bed and searched for any indicating features visible. Faster they find out who it was, the faster they could in confidence contact the other.

As Logan brushed his hand along the side of his friend’s face, his eye’s discerned a noticeable bruise along his jaw. It was different from the other injuries.

It looked older, like before the accident. 

Like he had been punched square in the jaw.

“Patton.” 

Patton turned to Logan with wide eyes. He knew what Logan was going to say, but still hit him hard nonetheless.

“It’s Roman.”


	5. The Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil arrives.

Virgil woke up in his car and for a second didn’t realize where he was and how he got there.

Then it hit him like a truck, what Roman said and what Virgil did.

And Virgil, even though he had been so utterly furious when his own boyfriend for insulting him to his face, couldn’t find it in himself right now to be mad. 

_Aww man, what did I do? I punched him, just full on punched him in the face, like I didn’t care, like I had the capacity to want him in pain._

Virgil straightens up and adjusts himself from his uncomfortable position in the seat.

_Where even am I?_

Virgil scanned the outside the car, a sliver of light is coming from the far off horizon, enough to illuminate where he was enough to tell.

His car was parked in an empty parking lot, no other cars in sight. Vague memories of furiously driving away and then parking at the closest parking lot that didn’t look too busy filtered into his mind. He sighed.

At some point last night he had apparently decided the spending the night in his car was what he needed, but at this moment, his back felt otherwise as he stretched and tried to get the uncomfortable feeling out of his spine. After a few seconds of stretching various muscles, his back finally popped and the discomfort in his back dissipated.

Virgil sighed and looked at the clock on the dash.

7:07am.

_Well I might as well go back and face the music._

Virgil adjusted himself in his seat once more and cranked the car, absentmindedly slipping the car into gear and anxiously driving towards the house. No doubt Patton and Logan were home sleeping, and Roman….

Virgil winced.

He didn’t want to think about where Roman would or could be right now, he just needed to get back and maybe catch a 30 minute power nap of proper comfortable sleep.

Virgil’s hands began to unconsciously drum the wheel of his car as he weaved towards his ultimate destination. And before he knew it, he was pulling into their shared driveway, but something about the house felt off.

Mentally shaking the weird feeling away, Virgil gathered the little belongings he had from dinner and exited the car. As he walked up the sidewalk to the door, he found his keys and positioned them so he could swiftly unlock the door.

As he unlocked the door, another wave of _this is wrong_ floods over him, but he again bats it away as quickly as it came. Virgil entered the all-too-quiet house. As he goes through the ritual of removing his coat and placing his keys on the table near the door as he always had done whenever he enter, every single little noise of the keys the slight rustle of his coat felt like they were magnified a hundredfold.

Virgil looks at the living room clock. 

7:31am

_Where is everyone?_

Vigil knew that Patton always got up early to make breakfast for everyone at this hour, but the rustle of his coat was the loudest thing he could hear in the house. 

_Has he just not gotten up yet?_

Virgil quickly but still quietly as he could snuck to Patton and Logan’s bedroom door and meticulously and slowly opened it to check. But what Virgil saw through even just the crack he had made in opening the door stopped him in his tracks.

There was no one in the bed. 

Then, just as last night’s events had hit him, the realization of what had felt so off hit him at full force.

No one was home.

Virgil’s breathing started to get increasingly rapid as he thoughts whirled through his head at a rapid-fire pace.

_What? Where are they? Did something happen? Are they hurt? No, no, no, no, nonononon!!_

Virgil instinctively hunched over and started to curl into the fetal position before his mind held onto a single thought.

_They always text me or call me when something important happens._

But before he could act on that thought, Virgil went through the 4-7-8 breath regulation that Logan taught to him for when he got panic attacks like this. After around 30 seconds, his breathing was back to a relative normal as he calmed back down from the surge of adrenaline that he had gotten from his realization.

When he determined that he could move again, he slowly and tremblingly got out his phone and looked it’s lock screen.

7 calls and over 50 texts.

_Fuck._

Virgil opened his phone with a rising anticipation of what the news would be. Why they weren’t at home and what the fuck had happened.

As Virgil read the progressive texts, his face slowly paled as the messages sunk in.

Roman was in an accident and Logan and Patton hadn’t left the hospital since they had found out, the moment they found they tried to contact him with no avail. The texts progressively become more frantic until the first phone call is made and the six after in a row trying to reach him.

_Why did I have to put my phone on fucking silent? Stupid! Idiot!_

Virgil bangs his head into the wall to punctuate his self-deprecating thoughts before turning and rapidly gathering his stuff back up and bounding in long strides back towards his car. (But always vigilantly locking the door behind him because he be anxious like that.)

Virgil scrambles into his car and fumbles for his car key in his hurry. Once he finds the key, he starts the ignition and as fast as he can, pulls out of there.

His thoughts race as fast as his car and faster. 

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Everything becomes a blur until he finally pulls into the hospital parking lot, his friends cars immediately popping out to him. He pulls into the next spot beside their 2 cars.

Hurriedly, he shuts his car off, ripping his seatbelt almost from its attachment and throwing the door open and sprinting towards the hospital.

But similar to Patton, he slows his pace just before he enter to not enter in a whirlwind of panic and spook the waiting room occupants half to….well….death. 

Virgil walks into the hospital lobby and goes up to the front desk where a nice looking man is working.

“Yes, can I help you?”

“Um, I’m here to see Roman Sanders? I was told he got in an accident and that he was brought here. Do you know what room number he’s in?”

The nice looking man’s face lit up in recognition “Oh, Virgil! Valerie told me your friends were looking out for your arrival, I’ll page her so she can escort you to Roman’s room. You can wait to the left.”

Virgil nodded in understanding and shuffles slightly to the left to allow space for someone to come up and also to have a better view of the hallway.

As his worries mounted, seconds seem to stretch into millennia as he antipatingly awaited Valerie’s arrival, shuffling from foot to foot nervously.

When Valerie turned around the corner, it took everything in Virgil not to run towards her and hug her for the rest of eternity.

She looked…. devastated, her eyes were red-rimmed and her expression was one that just oozed exhaustion. Virgil instead let her approach him slowly and when she did, he just nodded and allowed her to take his hand to lead him to Roman’s room.

Virgil had been here in the past either to help Valerie because she couldn’t get off work to due some urgent errand or to just bring her something she forgot if he was in the area and able to help her out, so the hallways she took him down were initially familiar, but as they went on he recognized less and less.

When they reached the room, Valerie let Virgil go first into the room. But before he could even take a good look at anything in the room, he was tackled into a bear hug by a light blue blur that Virgil realized was Patton when he heard his bear hug assailant begin cry into his jacket.

“Patton?” Virgil asked.

Patton pulled back from the hug, his expression not sorrowful, but full of a parental type disappointment with a dash of anger, and somehow his red-rimmed eyes behind his glasses only added to the look.

“Virgil, you scared us half to death, not responding to us! We were almost got to the point we thought we had 2 hurt friends instead of one!” Patton expressed exasperatingly as he gestures around the room to emphasize his words.

Logan made a small noise of disapproval, but did not say anything, with a similar expression of an almost parental-like disapproval written across his face.

Virgil waved his hands in front of himself in a denying gesture as he speaks. “No, no Pat! I’m fine! I just…”

Virgil rubs the back of his neck with one hand.

“I put my phone on silent. But it was-”

Logan approached Virgil and placed a hand on his shoulder, and as Virgil made eye contact with Logan he saw 2 things: That the ever stoic Logan was almost as red-rimmed around his eyes as Patton and that Logan’s eyes held no anger towards him as Virgil had feared he might have.

“Virgil, it’s quite alright. What matters is you’re here now. You came the moment you knew. We don’t hold that against you.” Logan calmly comforted.

Virgil placed his hand on Logan’s hand and replied, “Thank you, Logan.”

It was then that Virgil fully took in the figure on the bed.

Roman was covered in bandages that covered a large portion of his face and torso and had a cast on his lower left arm and all of his right leg.

Virgil gasped as his knees collapsed from under him as the rush of emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

He very vaguely registered Logan exclaiming “Shit!” as he managed to catch Virgil before he hit the floor. He could barely feel Logan’s arms around him as the sight of his boyfriend permeated his mind. At some point, he was helped into a chair nearby and felt someone rubbing circles on his back. 

Tears dripped onto his knees.

Oh. He was crying, that’s what was making everything blurry.

When he was able to gather himself, he straightened himself up again and asked “How bad?”

Patton smiled sadly. “Well, he broke his arm and leg and has some very deep cuts and had some internal bleeding when he first came in. They said he hit his head pretty hard as well, cracked his head open on the wheel. But doctor say with the accident scene that was described to them, they say he was really lucky to escape this as ‘relatively unscathed’ as he has.”

Virgil’s blood boiled slightly at the implication that his condition was anywhere near being _unscathed._

_I’ll show them unscathed when I shove my foot up their ass._

But whether or not Virgil would have acted on this thought would forever remain a mystery as a grunt came from Roman, causing everyone to whip their heads to the bed where Roman lay.

Roman’s eyes fluttered open as the 3 friends rushed to his bedside to see how he was doing.

“Roman, you awake, bud? You’re in the hospital, you got in a car accident.” Patton took the initiative to say.

Still seeming groggy, Roman’s eyes blearily gazed around the room before settling on his 3 friends by his side.

But the first thing to come from Roman’s mouth made all three of their blood’s run cold.

Raspily, Roman croaked out:

“Who are you?”


	6. Who am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who am is me?

_Light._

The light was so bright.

When? How?

He(?) didn’t want it.

Where in the world could it be so bright inside?

….ow….

There were voices. 

Soft, but oh his(?) head hurt from just hearing them.

He(?) heard a groan escape from his(?) lips at the pain in his(?) head, vibrating enough to intensify the feeling for a moment, which did not help him(?).

Vaguely, he(?) felt someone placing a hand on him(?) somewhere, but he(?) couldn’t tell where. 

Finally, he(?) was able to wrench his eyes open, but his(?) eyes immediately began screaming at him as he exposed them to the harsh and unforgiving light above him(?). 

At first everything looked incredibly blurry and fuzzy, gazing around the room it took a few moments before anything was discernible. And when the room was discernible, it didn’t answer most of the questions still whirling around in his(?) brain.

The one question it did answer was where. The blank walls, the beeping that he(?) had just realized he(?) was hearing, and the handrails on the bed.

He(?) was in a hospital.

But as 3 figure in front of him(?) came into focus, he(?) was not answered.

To his(?) right, there were 2 similar looking men. 

One looked utterly ecstatic despite the obvious tear tracks running down his face and the red that lined his eyes that suggested he had been crying behind a pair of glasses that matched the one’s the person beside of him was wearing. He was wearing a jacket that was much to big for him that looked more like what the man standing immediately beside him would wear instead of him as well as a pair of khaki pants. From under the jacket he(?) could see a bit of a bright blue shirt poking out in places, he(?) decided he(?) liked this man even though he(?) has only seen this man in this moment. His eyes were soft and had a naive but profoundly wise look in his eyes. Though he(?) did not understand where the concept came from, the person in the too big jacket reminded him(?) of the concept of the ‘mom friend.’

Beside the light blue man was a man who looked strikingly similar to the first but at the same time distinctly different from the other. He wore the same glasses, but instead of an open expression of happiness like his counterpart, his expression was more serious. Even so, he(?) was able to tell that the serious man was just as elated as the light blue one. The serious man wore a short sleeved shirt that he(?) couldn’t quite read, but got a sudden feeling that it was definitely plastered with something about astronomy.

_Why am I so sure?_

His(?) eyes then swiveled over to the singular man on his(?) left. 

For some reason, his(?) heart was verging on skipping a beat as he(?) looked at this man.

The man looked like a wreck, hair sticking up in places, almost like he had slept in an unconventional place. But the bags, no, eyeshadow covering the bags under his eyes begged to differ that the man had gotten any sleep in days. This man was wearing a black jacket that was open to reveal an almost dark purple shirt that looked textured in some weird way. His expression was almost as open as the light blue man’s, but this purple man’s expression held something more. But as his(?) head started to spin again, he couldn’t hold onto that train of thought.

He(?) blinked once or twice to try and stop his(?) head from feeling like it was spinning. When it stopped, he(?) was finally awake enough to express the question that had been on his(?) mind since he had opened his eyes.

“Who are you?”

Oh, his voice had seen better days. He sounded male, and that felt comfortable for him, so he supposed he was _him_.

That was the wrong thing to say as the faces of all 3 of the men surrounding him dropped simultaneously at his question. They were all three speechless for a moment before the light blue man seemingly gained enough courage or perhaps composure to reply.

With an already unsteady voice, the man gently replied, “Roman, please tell me you remember us?”

_Roman?_

Was that his name? Who was he? Should he even know?

Roman, because that was apparently his name, shook his head as a habit, but immediately stopped when that made him incredibly dizzy and his head dropped forwards toward his lap as the world spun around him. 

He vaguely felt someone supporting him as to not fully crumple, but his awareness was shaped with the feeling of dizziness. He distantly felt himself being laid back down on the pillow before his consciousness fully faded.

When his eyes opened next he couldn’t tell how long it had been, but the 3 men were still sitting down around him, with the 2 on his right looking like they were asleep and the other on the left looking on verge of doing so. However at the sight of Roman’s open eyes, the man perked up despite his tired state, grasping Roman’s hand as he leaned in.

“Oh Roman, you’re awake.” The man said with relieved tone tinged with tiredness.

There was moment where the man seemed to realize something, lips parting to say something before thinking better of it, like he hadn’t remembered something for a moment. Roman guessed he had forgotten Roman’s question before he had apparently passed out.

“Do you really not remember us? Any of us?” The tired man pleaded, and Roman couldn’t help but feel a twist in his gut from the emotion in his voice, even with no context for it.

Roman knew better than to shake his head this time and as quietly as he could whispered, “I don’t know who I am, much less any of you… whoever you are.”

Tired man’s eyes widened in shock as Roman spoke, and Roman watched as twin tears surfaced and rolled down his face as he started to silently cry as to not wake the other two.

Roman, not knowing exactly what to do and who this person was, much less who he was to _him,_ was frozen still for a moment before he slowly and achingly placed a hand on top of the other man’s hand.

And when the tired man looked up and stopped crying, Roman knew it was the right thing to do in that moment.


	7. Deprivation and Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angsty boys and comfort

Virgil was awoken by a light tap to his face, but still he tried to brush the hand off and softly muttered “Five more minutes,” as he tried to settle back down to sleep before he heard a stern voice above him.

“Virgil, you’ve got to wake up, it’s morning and you need to eat some breakfast.” Patton’s voice said from above him, but Virgil’s face was still firmly planted into surface he was leaning on and it felt too good to move.

Logan’s voice came next, equally if not more stern, “Virgil, you do not need to deprive yourself like this, you didn’t have anything for dinner yesterday, you need to get up and eat,” which surprised Virgil enough to pull his face out his makeshift pillow and glare at Logan sleepily.

“What, I‘m awak-“ But Virgil’s retort died as he remembered where he was and why he was here as he looked to the bed where Roman was sleeping peacefully.

_Oh… right…_

Virgil had almost forgotten that his best friend turned boyfriend had gone and gotten himself badly hurt and now… Virgil gulped down a surge of sadness that threatened to overwhelm him. Roman’s not the same.

Logan’s eyebrow quirks dangerously as Virgil looks back to him.

“Fine, I’m up!” Virgil exasperatingly exclaimed as he pushed himself upright and then splayed his arms out to accentuate his unwillingness to his 2 stern ‘alarm clocks.’ He turns to look at his friends on his left with groggy indignance at their disturbance.

Logan does not look amused his arms crossed and a thread of steel etched into his expression, while Patton’s face betrayed more concern than true disappointment, eyebrows knit and lips slightly puckered. 

“Will you accompany us to the hospital’s cafeteria so that you can provide needed nutrients to your body for the day?” Logan says with the banality of asking someone to pass the salt, but the look in Logan’s eyes betrays this. A challenge is written in them, but Virgil would not abandon his boyfriend for some stupid breakfast, so with a fire Virgil really didn’t even feel he shot a glare right back into Logan’s challenging eyes, meeting them head on in defiance.

“I don’t care what you get me, but I am not leaving my friend- no boyfriend. He’s still my boyfriend….” Virgil looks away as his resolve fades and the reality of what Roman had said sunk in looking at the floor between him and Roman’s bed.

His boyfriend doesn’t remember him, or any of them.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Logan’s jaw clench slightly before he frustratingly sighed and responds, “Come Patton, if it what he truly wants, it is fruitless to stop him.” Logan swiftly leaves with a brisk walk that doesn’t betray the emotions Virgil could sense swirling inside of him, leaving Patton behind for a moment.

Patton looks over, a sad expression with concern for Virgil clearly visible on his face, but Virgil does not give in and continues to gaze down at the floor, both willing Patton to leave and begging for him to stay. Virgil didn’t know which he wanted more. But just as Logan left, Patton went to door, pausing a moment to look at Virgil and Roman on the bed in one last glimpse before he slipped out and Virgil heard his footsteps recede down the hall towards the cafeteria.

Virgil plopped back in his chair and put his head in his hands once Patton was a sufficient distance away.

Virgil let his tears freely fall.

_How are we gonna fix this? Roman and my relationship with him? Logan and Patton probably hating me for causing all of this, no, heavens knows I deserve their scorn after my actions. Yeah, Roman said something a little rude, but I just freaking punched him for no reason… Fuck._

Virgil only let himself make small sounds to not wake Roman up beside, but apparently he was not careful enough, a small rustle from beside him catching his attention.

Roman’s voice piped up beside him and Virgil took in a sharp breath of surprise as he looked over at Roman’s concerned face, half covered in bandages.

“Are you okay?”

-

Patton increased his pace and jogged so that he could catch up with Logan who had a considerable head start on him to the cafeteria. Patton placed a gentle hand on Logan’s back to signal that he was behind him.

Thoughts whirled in Logan’s mind at speeds that rivaled a hurricane or tornado, but his outer facade of impassiveness didn’t falter as he couldn’t break, not right now.

_We need to get Virgil breakfast. He needs to take care of himself, and if he won’t we’ll help him or even force him to. Where’s the cafeteria? You’d think I’d know as I come here the most often. I need to help him. I need to do this. I must do this for him._

Logan was too caught up in his mission to go to the cafeteria and return to Virgil, that he didn’t bring his eyes from what was in front of him until Patton softly whispered his name.

“Logan, honey.”

But when Patton looked into Logan’s deep blue ocean colored eyes, an ocean of their own was threatening to leak out Logan’s eyes. Thinking quickly, Patton spotted a restroom nearby, and used the hand still on Logan’s back to instead direct him into it.

Trusting Patton, Logan allowed himself to be lead into the restroom, emotions threatening to spill over enough to not give him much resolve to argue otherwise.

Logan turned about-face to face Patton as he entered behind him, and they stood for a moment of peaceful silence before Logan broke it.

“Oh, baby.” Patton says as Logan slams into him and sobbed into his shoulder. And some part of Patton is the tiniest bit amused at the reversal of their roles from just a day? 2 days? ago, but he is definitely not amused at the sight of his boyfriend breaking emotionally like this. 

And as Virgil’s tears fell, so did Logan’s for the second time in who knows how long. Patton just held him as he slowly began to lean more and more into Patton. And eventually they were both sitting on the ground of the restroom, with Patton clutching Logan’s head to his chest as he let all of the emotions he had been building up out since the day before.

Eventually, his sobs diminished into shudders and then just a sniff or 2 every so often.

After an amount of time that Logan vaguely knew was too long and started to get an inkling to get back into action to get back to Virgil, Patton pulled back and said “You good babe? I could tell you needed that. It’s been a stressful couple days.”

Logan wiped his sleeve across his face to clear the tears off his face.

“Yeah, Pat. It just got me all at once, Roman got hurt and then I see Virgil caring more about Roman than himself, but neglecting himself in the process and I just didn’t know even how to process it, much less be able to help either of them.” Logan shudderingly bewailed.

“Well, you’ve helped me.” Patton replied with a small smile bordering on a smirk, which caused Logan to look up at him in complete confusion.

“How could me unloading all of _that_ onto be ‘helping you?’” Logan incredulously says, reeling back in surprise, careful to keep an edge in his voice to minimum.

Patton smirks, though Logan can tell it’s still somewhat half-hearted, “Well, it helped me stop worrying you were going to run yourself into the ground in trying to stay strong for Virgil.”

Logan froze, hearing the same words he himself was thinking about Virgil used to describe him. Logan inwardly facepalms at his shortsighted view of his actions. He sighs.

“I suppose in my attempt to assist Virgil in his time of emotional and physical neglect, I seem to have neglected my own emotional health in the process. Apologies, Patton.” Logan responds as he pulls himself to his feet and helps Patton to his as well.

“Logie Bear, you need release from time to time, that’s okay.” Patton says as he wraps his arms behind Logan’s neck, faces inches apart, but Logan gently guides Patton’s hand back down to his sides. Logan’s eyes still holding a sadness in them, but also hold a quiet determination that is less steely than his initial determination with Virgil.

“Let’s go get breakfast.” Logan says while searching Patton’s eyes.

Patton’s eyes soften and a small smile crosses his face as he gently responds and lets Logan lead him out of the restroom.

“Wherever you go, I will follow. Forever and always, LoLo. Forever and always.”


	8. Broken Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get breakfast.

Logan feels the shuddering in his chest finally stop when he and Patton finally reach the cafeteria they had been searching for. It had taken 5 more minutes than it should of for them to find it as Logan couldn’t remember exactly where it was, coupled with the release he had let out of his system had his mind a little more occupied than usual. So quite a number of times they passed the hallway they needed to go down as Logan was lost in his thoughts before realizing it another hallway or 2 down, causing them to have to backtrack to the correct hallway.

Patton’s patience for Logan’s distance in his thoughts as Logan kept having to correct their course back towards the cafeteria was something Logan lovingly added to the list of reasons he loved the man he had taken to be his husband. His seemingly never-ending smile always managed to bring a smile to Logan’s own lips wherever he saw it never got old.

Logan let that same smile dance on his lips as he looked at the man he had so steadfastly married not 5 years earlier.

Patton was the most beautiful man Logan had ever seen.

Sure, others’ may have been more physically fit or had the perfect ratio of features that could make virtually anyone stand and marvel at their appearance.

But for Logan, even they would pale in comparison to how Logan saw Patton.

Patton’s blond curls framing his face, his glasses that both him and Logan wore as both a promise of love and a declaration that they are bound together as a couple. Logan again marveled at how much more freaking adorable Patton was in Logan’s own coat as it swamped Patton’s hands within their folds.

Suddenly, Logan noticed Patton’s lips were moving and realized belatedly that Patton was speaking to him. Logan shook his head to figuratively clear his head before he asked.

“What did you say, Patton?”

Patton frowned slightly as he repeated what he had said, “I said what are you thinking about having for breakfast?”

Logan nodded absentmindedly as he looked to the menu hanging from the ceiling to peruse it, not noticing Patton’s concerned expression as he turned to the menu.

“I think I’ll get the pancakes and sausage meal.” Logan replies after assessing all the options and choosing the one he thought would give him a sufficient amount of energy for the day without indulging his empty stomach that was demanding more than he required.

“I’ll get the biscuits and gravy and an apple, what do you think we should get Virgil?” Patton replies, and Logan sees a slight dampening of Patton’s spirits as he mentions Virgil name.

“I’ll get him the barnyard deal, as he needs the energy.” Logan solemnly says after accessing the menu once more.

The barnyard deal contained a smaller portion of every main dish item, including pancakes and biscuits and gravy like Logan and Patton’s respective meals, which would suit Virgil’s need perfectly.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking too…” Patton replies as they go up to the counter to order.

The man behind the counter greeted them warmly with thick southern accent, with a heavy aura of southern hospitality that came with it. “What do you two fine people want this golden early mornin’ for breakfast?”

Patton smiles at the man in return with a similar amount of cheeriness and proclaims, “I’m gonna have the biscuits and gravy and an apple.”

Logan steps forward as Patton is finished ordering and states his own order, “I’ll have the pancakes and sausage meal for myself.”

Once Logan is finished with his order, the man starts to turn around to start making the order for them, but Logan interjects, “Oh, sorry sir, I was not finished, I’ll also have an order of the barnyard deal for our other friend.”

The man turns back at Logan’s words and as Logan is done speaking, Logan could see a recognition of where Logan’s third friend would be in a hospital, and a look of sympathy crosses his face as he turns to prepare and gather their meals.

Logan was becoming more and more eager to head back to Roman’s room by the minute as his emotional outburst had already eaten up a significant amount of time. But in what felt like simultaneously an eternity of waiting and a single moment, their food was gathered and Logan swiftly paid for their food.

Logan had to specify he wanted the food in a to-go container as he would bring it back to the room, but other than that, the transaction went off without any major hiccups.

Logan breathed a sigh of relief he hadn’t realized he had been holding as they made their way back to Roman’s room, this time, the journey went smoothly as Logan was both clearheaded now as well as being fueled by his eagerness to get back.

But as he rounded the corner to Roman’s room, he started to hear beeping and shouting. For a moment, Logan is frozen hoping beyond hope that their origin is not here he thinks it is, but as he gets closer there is no mistaking it.

The beeping and noises of distress are coming from Roman’s room.

Logan sprints to the door, Patton following closely behind, where a nurse darts in front of him into the room. Logan lets him enter first before panickingly entering behind him.

As Logan entered, he finds Roman thrashing around on the bed with Virgil holding Roman’s arms so he doesn’t hurt himself his limbs flail sporadically, and another nurse is already assessing the situation.

Virgil looks at him tears in his eyes and streaming down his face, making the eyeliner under his eyes run. He looks at Logan with an expression of a strange mixture of begging for help and betrayal all in one.

One of the nurses declares, whether for clarification for him and Patton or to communicate with the entering nurse, Logan wasn’t sure, “He’s having a seizure, his head injury was worst than we thought.” 

Virgil began to cry again while still holding Roman’s arms as he seized. Logan went over to comfort him as well as possibly assist but Virgil glared at Logan the moment he took a forward towards him.

The other nurse says to Virgil “Don’t hold his arms down, sir. The natural reaction is to try and stop their movements, but that could cause injury in itself.”

Virgil reluctantly pulled his hands off of Roman’s arm and stepped back from the bed. 

Instead, Virgil walked towards Logan and Patton, with Logan extending his hand towards Virgil as if to comfort him.

Virgil abruptly shoved past Logan to Logan’s astonishment and when he was past the threshold of the door, turned around and snarled “You should’ve been here, but you _weren’t._ ” before stalking out of sight as Logan and Patton watched him go. Neither knowing whether to follow Virgil or to stay with Roman to comfort him when he stopped seizing.

Virgil’s world had shattered and his friends had not been there when he needed them most. 


	9. Chapter 8.5: Too much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton be no bueno

Patton chokes back a sob as one his closest friends tells the people that are two of his closest friends, himself included, that they weren’t there when he needed it. Everything was falling apart so quickly and Patton was starting to think that maybe things _wouldn’t_ turn out okay.

Patton had been holding up hope that even if Roman really didn’t remember them, that they could just be by Roman’s side as he recovers and then they could get back to some semblance of the relationship they had before all of… this.

But everything was falling apart at the seams and Patton saw the chance sift through his fingers like sand. Patton choked back another sob as he _couldn’t_ let himself start crying now, his friends needed him.

_No._

Patton shakes his head like he’s trying to clear out all those negative thoughts.

_We will get through this. I know we will, we’ve gone through rough spots before, we’ll be okay I know it._

Patton would be lying if he said the thoughts he had were what he believed were true, but the more he convinced himself, the more likely it would be true.

He watches Virgil’s shadow recede away until he can’t see it anymore and then looked over to Logan whose expression no doubt mirrors his own.

Before they converse about what just happened, Roman’s seizing finally ceases, but instead of the nurses leaving, more and more came as they tried to figure out what was wrong with him and suddenly the hospital room was too small and stuffy.

Patton couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, his breaths were suddenly way to shallow and the walls felt like they were closing in.

Suddenly, Patton’s brain was screaming at him all the thoughts of how their friendship was irreparably damaged, and how Roman was hurt and not himself and that he would never be that yin to Virgil’s yang like Logan was to him.

Everything felt wrong, everything was suddenly too loud, too rough, too overwhelming.

Before Patton could think about what he was doing, he was running down the hospital hallways, breath labored and the hospital was too stuffy. No matter where he ran, everything felt so small and suffocating.

Through a haze, Patton registers the entrance doors out of the corner of his eye and immediately flees out of them, nearly smacking into the second set as he just needs the open air to _breathe_.

The cold air hits him full force as he desperately wills oxygen into his system.

But even the cold air doesn’t decrease the feeling of the walls closing in, he vaguely wonders if that’s why his vision is getting foggy as he vaguely feels something rushing up to meet his face. His last thought as he drifts off is how warm Logan’s jacket is around him.


	10. Warm Embrace or Slap in the Face?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton be dumb and sad.

The first thing Patton felt as he came to was a hand running through his hair. A quiet voice muttering soothing words slowly filtered into his ears.

For a long time, he stayed like that, realizing distantly that he had needed this himself for a while, but he didn’t trouble himself with worrying about that as he let himself drift in the warmth and comfort.

But of course, a gust of wind had to come and ruin it, blasting Patton straight in the face, causing him to flail his arms in surprise and almost fall off whoever’s lap he was in, but they held fast and didn’t let him.

_Wait, a gust of wind? I’m outside?_

Another thought occurred to him as he looked at the ground he would’ve fallen onto, noticing the fabric of the person’s pants. They were wearing ripped jeans that looked really familiar.

_Who’s lap is this?_

Patton looks up and freezes as he sees what they’re wearing. He realizes his glasses have gone somewhere as he is basically blind at the moment, but he can see the big details.

And…

Black eyeshadow, purple t-shirt, purple plaid patch covered jacket, and a fringe that hinted of an emo haircut.

“Patton?” A hand comes out of nowhere and slipped his glasses onto his face.

Virgil’s face slowly came into focus above him, tear-streaked but happy, but all Patton could think wass:

_I’m the last person he would want to be with right now._

But of course his stupid mouth doesn’t apologize or say ‘Sorry for making you worry’ or ‘Please, I’ll go back inside cause I’m the last person you would want to see right now.’

No, Patton’s dumb mouth just says,

“Virgil?”

Suddenly, Patton gasped in surprise, realizing that he should move, and tried to scramble back and stand up at the same time, but only managed to trip over his own feet in his attempt to retreat.

“Whoa!”

Patton screwed his eyes shut, ready for himself to faceplant directly into the ground.

Honestly, Patton was fine with that his he’d been a horrible friend. Virgil had said it, so it must be true.

But, suddenly he realized there was an arm around his waist and he wasn’t feeling the sting on his forehead from faceplanting directly into the concrete.

He looked back to see Virgil’s frantic face and him wrapping his arms around Patton so that he wouldn’t fall. Virgil pulls Patton to his feet and starts fretting over him while trying for it to not look like that’s what he was doing. But Patton knew that face from miles away, after all he had been both around Virgil when that face was used and had been the recipient of that face just as many times as he had seen it used on Roman and Logan.

Patton’s heart stuttered at the realization.

_Virgil doesn’t hate me? Doesn’t hate Logan?_

Patton didn’t realize his mouth was open and he was staring until Virgil waved a hand in front of Patton’s face frantically, like trying to make sure Patton didn’t just spontaneously go into a walking coma.

Patton tries to hide his face in his shoulder embarassed as he asks, “What was that Virge?”

Virgil accesses Patton once more before he replies, “I asked, are you okay, Patton?”

Patton gives Virgil a fake smile, not wanting to put anything on Virgil as Patton still knew there was no way Virgil wanted to spend more than what was necessary with him with how he looked at them in the room.

“I’m fine kiddo! I’m just gonna go-“

“Falsehood.” Patton was interrupted by Virgil, Patton’s expression froze. Patton was stunned for a moment as he had always heard that from Logan’s mouth for years, hearing it from Virgil was… new.

Virgil glares at Patton. Patton mind starts racing without his permission, telling him that Virgil hates him, Virgil’s angry that he’s lying, angry that he’s still here. He’s going to tell him what he thinks and Patton’s would stand there and take it like a good friend would and accept it when Virgil said he would never want to see him again as he had the right to because Patton was such a bad friend. It didn’t matter that his heart would feel like it was being dragged across miles of broken glass at the speed of light, all that mattered is that Virgil was okay. If that meant never seeing or talking to Virgil again, Patton was _fine_ with that, even if he wasn’t.

But the reality of Patton’s thoughts shattered as Virgil delicately placed a hand on his cheek, in a single moment Patton was reminded of all the moments he had done the same to Virgil. The first one was when they first met in school.

Virgil had been so scared at the start of their friendship.

The three of them were Virgil’s first _true_ friends after all.

Patton had been the one to fend Virgil’s former ‘friends’ off when Virgil had gone into a panic attack in the hallway. Oh, how Patton’s blood had boiled as he saw the supposed ‘friends’ start mocking him and reinforcing Virgil’s panic attack, not caring that Virgil was truly in distress.

It was the first time he had ever punched somebody and the first time he had _ever_ been sent to the principal’s office.

But Patton would’ve gone to the office a thousand times for Virgil if he could wipe away all the hurt and mistrust they instilled in that poor sweet anxious boy.

Patton gasped even though the touch wasn’t surprising as he had seen the process of Virgil’s hand coming towards him to do so.

But Patton’s brain short-circuited as he realized, Virgil was not slapping him out of frustration or punching the fake smile off of Patton’s face at the audacity for Patton to pretend like everything’s okay.

He… he…

Virgil sighed, “You’re not okay, Patton. I know you. And even if I didn’t have to catch you when you fainted in a panic attack-“

Virgil snorted despite Patton’s assumption this was a stern lecturing out of concern for his wellbeing. Patton supposed Virgil found the reversal of their usual roles to be vaguely amusing, but it did leave him confused as surely Virgil would be serious as he had done a 180 from where he had been not a… half an hour(?) previous.

“I know that face anywhere, even I didn’t have a face like that of my own to look at most days, you, my parental figure, are not okay.”

Virgil looked at Patton knowingly to emphasize his words, tilting his head down like he was looking over a set of glasses even though he definitely was not wearing any.

Patton allowed his body language to drop.

“You got me… I’ll leave… I know you don’t want to be around me right now…” Patton turned to go back inside but was stopped when Virgil’s hand captures Patton’s in a vie-like grip.

Virgil looked into Patton’s eyes to ensure there is no mistake the sincerity of his next words.

“Patton, I still love you. You would _never_ be bad company, please believe me.”

Patton’s lips parted slightly in shock.

He wanted to argue, to tell Virgil how he’d been a bad friend and Virgil should be furious with him.

But the moment he felt Virgil slamming him into a hug, none of that mattered. It probably was never even true.

Because in that moment, even with all that had happened, Patton felt at home in Virgil’s loving arms.


	11. Boys get some BREAKFAST!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gettin' Breakfast babes!!!!

When Patton and Virgil finally separate, Patton noticed that Virgil was shivering from the cold. Patton grasped the sides of Virgil’s arms as he looked Virgil right in the eye, despite the tears in his own.

“We need to get you inside, you’re freezing!” Patton said, his dad tone coming back just like old times.

Virgil smirked at Patton’s tone and remarked back “I’m fine, father figure. You needed that. Don’t deny it.”

But Virgil’s traitor body decided to betray him and display a particularly powerful shiver to contradict Virgil’s statement, causing Patton to look at him knowingly with an eyebrow raised.

Patton ducked his head for a moment, but then remarked back with that familiar light in his eye that Virgil loved to see return, “I know, but we could’ve done this inside. You’re going to catch something or get hypothermia if you stay out here much longer!”

“Ugh, fine!” Virgil groaned as he playfully rolled his eyes at Patton’s concern for him.

Virgil checked Patton’s expression, searching for anything to tell him he’d gone too far and upset Patton, but   
Patton just rolled his eyes playfully in response as they fell back into their familiar dynamic.

With a surge of confidence, Virgil stuck his hand out for Patton to take and Patton effortlessly and gladly took it.  
Releasing the tension in his shoulders, he smiled as they made their way back into the hospital.

As they entered through the automatic doors, Virgil was secretly very happy for wave of heat that rolled over him. Suddenly he was struck with a realization.

“Patton, did you tell Logan where you were going? Or did you just run because you were panicking?” Virgil asks, watching Patton for his response.

Patton’s face dropped in realization, but he forced himself to take deep breaths for a moment before he responded.

“I just ran. Everything just felt like it was all too much all of a sudden… we should get back so Logan doesn’t continue to worry.” Patton replied, voice dripping with regret.

Virgil squeezed Patton’s hand, hoping to comfort Patton and signal to him that it’s alright.

Patton squeezed back, and after checking in again at the front desk, Patton and Virgil went back towards Roman’s room.

When they there, Patton let Virgil enter first and he went second as Logan would want to tackle one returning friend at a time.

From what Patton could see, Logan was seated at Roman’s bed side with his head in hands, so he did not see Vigil enter and also seemed too lost in thought to register his footsteps. That obliviousness did not extend to when Virgil quietly cleared his throat, causing Logan to whip his head up almost immediately to see who was there.

Patton saw the utter joy as well as trepidation in Logan’s eyes as he sat frozen for a moment before he took a hesitant step forward, studying Virgil’s reaction. When there was no fear or anger in Virgil’s expression at the gesture, Logan slammed into Virgil with a hug fit for a bear.  
“I was so worried Virgil! Are you alright? Not just physically, you were so upset when you left, are you okay now?” Logan said into Virgil’s shoulder.

“I’m okay Logan, I just… needed some time away. I got so worried about Roman and took it all out on you two. I’m so sorry I did that to you Logan.” Virgil replied, gripping Logan’s shirt in response to Logan’s firm embrace.

“Speaking of ‘you two’, do you have any idea where… Patton… is…” Logan pulled back from their hug to look in Virgil’s eye in a hurry, but trailed off when he saw Patton standing in Roman’s hospital door.

Patton ducked his head in an unfamiliar wave of embarrassment and guilt at leaving Logan so suddenly, but at Logan’s utterly gentle whisper of “Patton…” he looked up into his husband’s eyes.

What he saw filled his heart and swept his heart up in true hope as a hopeful look probably lit up his face as he saw Logan.

Logan looked utterly relived and happy, Patton didn’t see a trace of betrayal or anger. He just saw… love. Patton sobbed slightly before stifling it as he and Logan ran to each other and embraced.

Logan ran his hand through Patton’s hair, almost as if he was trying to make sure that Patton was truly there. Patton rubbed the back of Logan’s neck as he felt a tear or two drop onto the back of his shirt.

When they finally pulled apart, Patton started to rapid fire explain how he felt really overwhelmed and he was sorry for leaving like that, but ‘I know you still love me‘ and such. Halfway through his ramble he was interrupted by Logan pulling him into a kiss by grabbing his own jacket on Patton and pulling him close.

Patton was stopped short in his ramble as his brain short-circuited. His eyes went from wide to half-lidded to closed as he reciprocated the kiss, bringing his hands up to cup Logan’s face. He felt like the schoolboy he was when he met Logan all over again. Sparks flew behind his eyelids as they relished the feeling of each other as they did when they kissed.

Patton loved how Logan always smelled vaguely of the jam he always loved, Crofters, as well as his aftershave and that hint of that book smell he had from his study being around the books he owns. They all blended together and were so distinct all at once while also just being that hint of a scent that Patton loved about his husband.

After both an eternity and not enough time at all, both of them pulled apart from the kiss and looked into each other’s eyes. They were breathing slightly heavy at the lack of proper oxygen, but they were just living in the moment of being with each other.

Patton instinctively leaned forward, not knowing exactly what he was trying to do. And there was a soft clink where their glasses collided, causing Patton to giggle and pull back with an adorable “Oops.”

Logan’s heart melted as he heard his husband giggle at his little mistake and rose up and placed a gentle kiss on Patton’s forehead, relishing how Patton’s face turned to such genuine surprise. Patton blushed a deep red as he pulled away and tried to hide said blush in his sleeve, but to no avail as he was red up to his ears and there was no hiding it.

“I love you…” Logan said softly, grabbing Patton’s other hand and squeezing it.

Patton squeaked as Logan did so, but squeezed back and in a higher pitched voice replied back, “I love you too, Lo.”

It was then that the couple remembered where they were and even Logan’s cheeks tinged pink as he turned back to where Virgil had been standing to find that while they were all wrapped up in their reunion, Virgil had been having a reunion of his own.

Virgil was gripping one of Roman’s hand in his and while he wasn’t actively crying, whether because he didn’t want to interrupt the two lovebirds near him or to not wake Roman, Patton thought it was a mixture of both, he had a single tear running down his face.

Patton and Logan shared a look before Patton quietly came over and placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

Virgil startled slightly, but placed his free hand atop Patton’s looking up at Patton.

Patton whispers quietly to Virgil, purposefully staring into Virgil’s eyes “Do you need us to step out for a moment? It’s okay if you need some time alone with him after everything that’s just happened.”

Virgil shakes his head emphatically, squeezing Patton’s hand under his in a firm, but not too tight grip.

“No. We’ve spent enough time alone. I want you here with me… For Roman.” Virgil pleads, locking eyes with Logan, initiating puppy dog eye mode.

Logan lightly scoffs, waving Virgil’s expression away with a his hand and a fond smirk. 

“You don’t need that, I agree we all need to stick together, for Roman.” Logan replies, placing a hand on Patton’s shoulder as he can’t reach Virgil.

Virgil’s more hopeful expression at their banding together dropped as he remembered something.

“In all the hubbub I forgot to tell you guys… it’s true… Roman doesn’t remember us and-“ Virgil paused, bringing the hand that was still holding Patton’s to his lips as he was overwhelmed by a wave of emotion.

“He doesn’t remember who he is…” Virgil finishes.

Patton gasps softly, a similar wave of emotion gripping him, his other hand coming to cover his mouth.

“No… baby…” Patton breathes out.

Everyone is silent for a moment, before Logan speaks up.

“I think we should talk about that later. You two need to eat, your breakfasts have gotten cold, but you need food.” Logan ordered, and gestured to the two unopened to-go boxes the hospital cafeteria had placed their orders in.

Patton and Virgil nodded, Virgil remembered Logan’s words from earlier that morning and Patton remembered again how he had fled, with a dwindling sense of guilt.

“I think I remember there’s a microwave near here where you can heat them up. To the left, first hallway, second door to the right, just tell them you need to warm something up and you’ll be fine.”

Logan had already eaten as he was left with Virgil and their food with nothing but time as he had waited for his friends to come back. Swiftly, Patton and Virgil came back with slightly steaming boxes of food.

Virgil had to choke down an exclamation of surprise as the amount of food that was in his box. Logan again smirked fondly as he wondered how Virgil had not noticed how heavy it was when he was carrying it as well as why he had not thought to glance at it before warming it up.

“I could feed a whole family with this! What the fuh?!” Virgil stage-whispered to Logan, not committing to a full swear as it would tempt him to raise his voice and he didn’t want to wake Roman as he needed rest.

“You’ll eat it all, and you’ll like it!” Patton both sternly and teasingly told Virgil.

As the two dug into their food, Virgil ate his more rapidly as Virgil had a larger amount to consume of course, the three of them settled back into their friendly familiars. Patton joking, Logan taking everything seriously, and Virgil being his sarcastic self.

Of course, they knew something was missing. They knew right where it was, in fact they were right beside him.

But they would wait, even after Roman awoke, they would wait and be patient as they eventually got their flamboyant Roman back.

They would wait for as long as Roman needed, as a group. 

That’s what friends are for, aren’t they?


	12. Why Body No Work?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's body... doesn't like him.

He- … no... Roman(?), yeah Roman. He remembered some good looking person referring to him by that name, so for now as he couldn't remember any other name that was  _ his _ , he would trust the word of the handsome (maybe not if he could remember if he knew them) stranger. 

Roman heard voices. They were quiet and hushed, but he heard their soft words all the same.

“Do you think he’ll wake soon? I don’t know much about seizures, but he shouldn’t be unconscious for  _ this _ long should he?” A timid but warm sounding voice whispered, the first thing edging into his consciousness after… something. 

Something had happened, Roman remembered his body suddenly moving out of his control all at once and then black. A… seizure? That voice said something about a seizure, Roman… didn’t exactly remember where or how he learned about the concept of a seizure, but he did know that it sounded like what had happened to him. 

Something told him that he… knew more about medical stuff than he should, like someone, maybe a friend, was knowledgeable and spouted facts, but he didn’t remember if they told him or where or why.

He tried to move, but his body was uncooperative and he didn’t even manage a twitch. To call his body’s feeling heavy would be an understatement, Roman felt like the whole earth was placed solely on his body. Though, that would be a bit more painful than the minor throbbing throughout his body. But maybe the lack of pain and the extreme sluggishness he was feeling was just whatever drugs or medicine the hospital he was apparently in, doing their thing.

There was a small sound, like a plastic object against… Styrofoam and then another voice spoke, this one a bit more even and level, with less warmth and more… security. Stability. 

“Seizures are not all the same, certain seizures can lead to more harm than others, it is fruitless to try to ascertain a quantifiable number to Roman’s unconsciousness when we do not know the directi inner workings of his brain and what specifically caused him to seize.”

Yep, that sounded like whoever this voice is was the source of Roman’s heightened knowledge of certain topics. Though of course, Roman didn’t expect himself to remember much more than that, as he supposedly did have fucking amnesia.

“Logan, please, normal words for the class?” Roman recognized the voice of the tired man that had talked and cried to him when he woke up that second time. Now that he thought about it, he did remember hearing the warm sounding man’s voice come from that light blue person he saw. A name almost came to him, but just as quickly as he tried to hold onto that thought, it slipped away.

All he managed to grasp was that it started with a P.

Paul? Parker? Peter? Patrick? Patrick felt close, but not exactly the right fit. Phineas? Powell? Definitely not. Pollux? Ugh, none of these felt right.

_ Whatever. _

The steady voice sighed, and Roman got the feeling even without looking, whoever it was was pinching the bridge of… not… not their face. Their glasses? So it was that astronomy t-shirt man, that… that explained the knowledge part. They were a science nerd. 

_ Affectionately... I think.  _

Something told him that a nerd wasn’t always something that this man  _ liked _ to be called. Roman supposed that was the work of bullies throwing that word around as an insult, and surprisingly, that thought made his blood simmer slightly, even though he didn’t know this man. 

Logan… that was a nice name for him. Even though Roman didn’t remember exactly who he was, it fit Logan.

Logan replied shortly, “There is no true way to tell when Roman will wake up.”

He heard the tired man sigh a disappointed, “Oh…” 

Roman’s heart swelled in a protective wave all at once, getting a strong desire to go over and comfort the man despite his physical inability to do so.

P piped up, “But he’s gotta wake up at some point! We just have to wait, we’ve been waiting already, we can wait a little longer!” 

The tired man groaned quietly, but didn’t continue, probably knowing that nothing would really come of continuing to yearn out loud for Roman to wake up.

Little did he know that Roman was already awake, but just not able to move.

Suddenly, Roman realized that he was drifting off as he heard his friends(?) voices start to fade.

In a desperate attempt to move as Roman panicked, he distantly heard a far off groan. Was that him? He didn’t know as he felt himself drift more.

It was a sudden tight grip on his non-throbbing hand that felt like an anchor in a tossing sea that felt like it immediately brought him back to awareness.

He heard a sob and wondered what happened, if he had truly passed out and had missed something. Did something happen to him again? Did he have another seizure this time and just didn’t remember? Even if he had no idea who these people around him were to him, he didn’t want to worry them like he already had! 

_ I’ve already put them through so much! I don’t want to put them through more! Why is my body so stupid? _

Something landed on his face, cutting off those thoughts all at once. No, not landed, dripped onto his face… like… tears?

Then he realized he felt tears on his face, Roman realized it was  _ him _ that was crying.

He was torn between being relieved that nothing had happened to them or him to make them cry and kicking himself for crying like this, worrying the people around him even more if something did happen.

Instead he listened to the voices around him, hoping that would help him calm down.

“Hey! Hey, hey hey! What is it? Are you having a nightmare? Hey, wake up Roman, you’re just dreaming!” The tired man’s voice called to him, and right then and there Roman wanted to hug the worry out of it while laughing his lungs out with him.

_ Why do I want to… comfort this man so much? I don’t even know his name yet! _

Despite his confusion of his reaction to this man, he managed to raise his lips up in a ghost of a smile. However, the tired voice didn’t seem to notice, as he continued to ramble.

“Patton, go get a nurse, he might be in pain. He needs more medicine! Come on, wake up Roman! Logan? Do you know what might be happening? Nevermind, probably not.”

Roman heard Logan say something, but the handsome man's voice’s rambling was too overwhelming and close to properly hear what was said.

_ Patton… yeah… that sounds right…  _

Roman forced himself to stop shuddering and sobbing, but his limbs still felt  _ massive _ . 

“Roman? Are you awake?” The voice was hopeful, but then the hand gripped his hand tight. 

Roman wanted to squeeze back desperately to communicate  _ something _ , but nada, nope.

Suddenly, Logan’s voice bursts out, “Virgil!”

Roman’s eyes finally fly open at the sudden exclamation, and while incredibly blurry at first, he sees enough of the scene to tell what’s happening.

Logan was finishing walking over to… Virgil? Roman… thought that fit the man perfectly, he caught himself thinking how he probably wanted to be with someone with a unique name. Wait… was he gay?

At the seemingly unconscious squeeze… V- Virgil gave his hand, shivers went up and down his spine from the gesture, he inwardly grinned from ear to ear.

_ Oh… I am definitely gay. _

If his limbs weren’t so useless at the moment, he would’ve shot them up to his face as he knew he was blushing  _ hard. _

_ I don’t even know this man, but man is he… breathtaking. _

Virgil, as Roman now knew him, barked back, “What?”

There was a moment of silence and an exasperated sigh as Roman saw Logan pull off his glasses and rub his eyes as if he was  _ done _ with Virgil. He then placed one hand on Virgil’s shoulder and gestured vaguely to Virgil.

“He’s awake, you knucklehead! Has been since he started crying at the very least.” 

Virgil turned to face Roman, seeing his eyes were now open. 

“Oh… hey… Roman…” If Roman thought his blush was fierce, that was nothing compared to Virgil’s as he tried to bring his hoodie up to cover his face, but as he did, he didn’t see the cord that was draped near his foot.

Virgil lost his balance as he shifted his weight in a way that caught his foot on the cord and he spread his arms out instinctually to try and catch himself, but even with Logan grabbing for his arm, he failed.

He fell forwards right towards Roman, Roman saw his face rush up to his and he braced himself for a collision. 

But none came.

When Roman opened his eyes, he was staring straight into Virgil’s green eyes. Their faces were hair breadths apart and Roman felt Virgil’s breath on his skin.

_ Why do I want to kiss this man when I know not the slightest thing about him? _

And before he knew what was happening, and neither really knew who initiated it, they were kissing.

And Roman, in that moment, would have it any other way.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Virgil Fucks Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil knows he fucked up, but does Roman feel the same?

Virgil realized what he was doing when his vision was full of  _ Roman _ and he felt those familiar lips on his. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it because his senses were focused on not getting hurt that his conscious mind apparently just left for a moment.

_ Warm, familiar, face. Wait, I was falling. Towards Roman. Did someone catch me? Wait, why am I kissing… OH FUCK! _

Virgil immediately pulled back, rambling apologies, because he knew Roman wouldn’t want to kiss someone who was, to him, a complete stranger. 

“I’m sorry! Fuck! I’m so sorry!” 

He felt Logan catch him as he backed into him.

“Hey Virgil, it’s okay, it was an accident. He knows that you gotta….” Logan voice floated away as his thoughts drifted away.

Virgil continued on rambling, not really listening to what he was saying, in fact, he wasn’t really hearing anything over his screaming thoughts at seeing Roman’s face flushed and confused. He was going to hate him now, Roman would never love him after he kissed him without consent.

_ No! I can’t come back from this! He’ll hate me. He’ll hate me. Fuck! I can’t! I want- _

It wasn’t until he felt Logan’s hand on his shoulder and distantly heard Logan’s voice that he realized he was hyperventilating and starting to spiral.

“Breathe, Virgil, breathe.” Logan’s gentle yet commanding voice faded back into his awareness and cut through the fog of worry permeating Virgil’s mind. Virgil felt Logan’s hand on his shoulder gently squeeze his shoulder. Virgil focused on that sensation and slowly took stock of his surroundings to ground him back to reality. 

Virgil realized he had staggered back into a chair and had curled into a ball in a chair and was covering his ears. He hadn’t noticed until that moment.

His mind was still a whirl with thoughts of how he had fucked up his one shot to kindle the relationship he once had with his boyfriend, Roman, who now was a stranger to him. 

But Virgil pulled himself out of his self-inflicted prison in his mind as he let his hands relax and allowed his knees to pop as they reached down to the floor. The floor felt cool under his feet. When had he taken off his shoes again? 

Oh yeah, he had taken them off after breakfast as he knew he wouldn’t be leaving the hospital for a while and they didn’t necessarily have a rule about taking your shoes off in a patient’s room.

He shivered, but he honestly couldn’t tell if it was because his body was truly cold, because he himself felt like he was just under a frozen lake, but he thought that was just the dread he felt. 

Honestly, he deserved it. If he hadn’t hadn’t been so clumsy and tripped, he would not have made Romand endure that.

Virgil couldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy the kiss as his body had taken over before his brain had. And his body was  _ more _ than willing to enjoy the kiss. The thing is, Virgil  _ knew _ Roman would never love him like that, would never get those memories back.

But at the expense of intruding on Roman’s personal space and to violate his desire to no doubt slowly understand who the fuck him and Logan and Patton were, it had happened. There was no going back from it.

Even if he had to watch Roman fall in love with someone else, he would be by Roman’s side every step. 

_ Or lack thereof _ , though Virgil as he noticed the cast on Roman’s foot as if for the first time. Virgil had been too worried about Roman in general to notice the specifics to notice that apparently.

But his mind ground to a halt when he looked back into his former boyfriend’s face.

He was smiling?

Why was he smiling?

What was so funny about Virgil crossing every boundary and not respecting Roman’s bodily autonomy?

Virgil’s mouth fell open. Virgil would’ve been speechless if he even knew where his jaw was.

Was there a sadistic joke in his head about Virgil because he hated Virgil now because he had fucked up?

Virgil would take it. He deserved it. He deserved it. He deserved it.  _ I deserve it. _

But instead, what next came from Virgil’s mouth made him speechless for an entirely different reason.

“I guess you can call us Romano and Virgilet now, because your kiss brought me back to life.”

And when Roman’s face turned into his signature smile, Virgil just about died on the spot. His face suddenly felt like it was on fire when moments ago it was as cold as ice. 

Behind Virgil, Patton squealed at the pun and started to no doubt stim in his own Patton way, his fists flailing in happiness. While Logan said something along the lines of: “Ugh! That is literally the opposite of what happened in the play in actuality, but at least you tried.” Along with Logan’s signature exasperated sigh at Patton daily puns or Virgil occasional subtle self deprecating joke or even pun sometimes.

But before Virgil could gather his thoughts, much less say something, a doctor and an accompanying nurse entered the room. Virgil looked over, no doubt a complete sight with unkempt hair and bags under his eyes.

Patton stifled his squealing at the sight and Logan looked strangely satisfied as well as a little tense, as if he knew this would happen and was almost waiting for it, to the point of worrying, but of course, not to the extent Virgil was/had been worrying over Roman.

“Oh, hello…. Uh…. doctor?”

The doctor came in and smiled at Roman’s question, looking at her chart and said with a warm expression that made Virgil a  _ little _ better as it probably wasn’t bad news if she was acting so cheery “It’s Dr. Yates, Roman. You boys have been here for a while and I know you’ve been worried, but I have some good news!”

Virgil would  _ absolutely  _ love some good news right now. He waited with bated breath and wide eyes for the doct- Doctor Yates to speak.

Logan asked evenly without missing a beat, knowing the social etiquette in these circumstances and falling into the role of a patient recipient of the news.

“What is it Doctor- Doctor Yates?”

Virgil didn’t miss the wavering and hesitation in Logan’s voice. 

Thoughts of Logan being mad with him as well were quickly brushed away, though those thoughts pertaining to Roman were bouncing through his skull.

Roman again spoke, cracking a joke instead of a pun this time.

“Are you going to tell me this is all a dream or a simulation Morphe-Yates? Wouldn't be the first absurd thing I remember hearing. Actually, no, it would. ”

Roman smirked, but didn’t push his luck at some jokes he was no doubt coming up with moment by moment.

Virgil picked up a slight raise of Dr. Yates’s lips, but she kept her professional attitude and air. That didn’t stop the nurse behind her to snort, his hand coming up to cover his mouth once he realized, as it was probably an instinctual reaction.

Dr. Yates looked back at the nurse and the nurse wilted slightly, being reprimanded without even a word. Dr. Yates turned back to the trio and Roman on the bed, face again back to neutral and professional.

“Ah, yes, that’s what I’m here to talk about. We-”

Dr. Yates let a smile color her face, if only lightly, it was not an overly excited smile, but a hopeful one that promised a possibility of something good coming soon.

And Virgil… would never forget the life that flowed back into his veins as the doctor spoke her next words. The moment forever cemented in his memory as the ‘moment he knew he was getting his boyfriend back.’

“We may be able to solve Roman’s amnesia, not now as it will take time, but we may be able to bring your friend back.”

  
  



	14. Where am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman doesn't exactly know where he is.

Roman woke up to an arm draped over him and a hand on his arm. It felt familiar, but also like he had never done this before. It was… confusing to say the least.

Roman thought he should try to get up as he didn’t really feel like he was going to fall asleep again soon. But the grip by the arm was very secure, it didn’t feel too tight, but Roman could tell he wasn’t escaping their grip  _ anytime _ soon.

Roman instead stared at the ceiling, drifting slightly but not going back to sleep. It felt nice, though Roman really didn’t remember exactly why or how he was here. But it wasn’t really bothering him at the moment.

Slowly, he registered that he smelled a faint scent of lavender from his left where the arm and hand came from. It smelled nice and he swear he felt his heart flutter when he smelled it. But why? For the life of him he couldn’t remember why.

Eventually, the arm relaxed and moved up to just rest on his side, and he took the opportunity at that moment to slowly ease out of their grasp. It was slow going, but he eventually extricated himself and was able to pull himself upright. 

The figure stirred slightly, mumbling something about waking up, but ultimately settled back down and their breaths evening out once more.

He looked around the room, and something about it felt… not wrong because the room felt plenty familiar even though Roman had no memory of being in this room. It felt like he had been in here a lot, but yet he had no recollection of anything about or when he was ever in this room before. The dichotomy hurt his head, like a poker between the eyes. He was… wasn’t he in a hospital? He thought…

But his thoughts were interrupted by his hand grazing the nightstand by the bed and knocking a glass of it. Luckily, before it could hit the ground and shatter, waking the sleeping figure that was beside him on the bed, Roman caught it with surprising ease. 

Something about his hand and being able to catch it irked him, but he thought it wasn’t really important. The vague notion that the last thing he remembered he had serious injuries filtered through his mind, but were waved off as he would feel and see if he had hurt himself… right?

Roman winced and stifled a cry of sudden pain as he stood up, feeling a stab in his feet like the glass had broken and he had stepped on a broken piece, but when he looked down and investigated the bottom of his feet, he didn’t find anything. He swayed for a moment at the sudden pain, but as quickly as it came, the pain faded.

The room around was littered with some clothes scattered around on various surfaces, though they didn’t look like they were laid out that way suggestively. Because Roman was still wearing, still wearing a hospital gown?

Roman looked down again at his feet and swore the hospital gown he was seeing wasn’t there a moment before when he looked down at his feet initially.

Another stab of pain swept through his head this time, and it took all his will power to not fall over from it.

_ Huh? OW! _

But suddenly, the pain was again gone the moment it got to its peak. Roman looked back down at his feet and just saw a red shirt and some Disney character pajama pants.

_ I like Disney. I’m… pretty sure. …..What was I thinking about again? _

Roman shrugged and took measured steps, navigating the room. The bedroom he was in.

He looked back at the figure that was beside him on the bed. They were probably the one who smelled like lavender, scratch that, they were  _ definitely _ the one who smelled like lavender. What he didn’t notice before about the bed was that the covers had some words on it, Roman recognized that some were from various literature, though he didn’t remember which or ever reading the books. Most of them cited… Shakespeare the playwright Shakespeare, Roman thought he must like him, something told him he enjoyed dramatics and acting.

Other than that, the room didn’t have much more of anything that stood out. Various articles of purple clothing were interspersed with the mainly red clothing across various surfaces.

Roman again felt that previously searing pain arc through his foot, but it was more subdued and distant this time. He wondered exactly what he was doing, he wasn’t really thinking about where he was going.

Then he saw the door out of the corner of his eye, and if they were in a cartoon, you would see a lightbulb light up above his head.

The door!

Of course!

How could he have been so blind?

Roman walked over to it with a purpose, though there was a small voice in the back of his mind that was trying to convince him not too. But he felt so good and fuzzy in the bedroom, he wondered what the rest of the house would feel like.

Roman gripped the doorknob, which was surprisingly cold, and opened the door cautiously to see what was on the other side. Strangely, as he saw the hallway was a perfectly normal hallway, he let out a deep breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

As Roman stepped out in the hallway, the fuzzy feeling did change, his eyes suddenly hurt, like there was a bright light in the hallway, but the hallway was actually much dimmer than the morning sun lit bedroom. Roman shrugged that off as he stepped further into the hallway, instinctually, Roman turned to close the door, but when he turned to it, it closed in his face, making him jump. He heard a shout from behind it as it did so as well, sounding like someone muffledly saying “Wake up!”

Somehow, Roman suddenly lost his footing at the shock of the door closing and had to veer into the wall to hold himself up. When he gathered himself enough to become steady on his feet once again, he looked up and down the hall, and his heart skipped a beat. 

There were dark figures at the end of the hallway and they had no faces. But even without eyes, Roman knew they were looking at him and they wanted to hurt him.

Almost the moment he spotted them, they started towards him and he turned to run down the other way down the hall, but saw another group of shadows coming from the other way. Right then, Roman knew he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

Prioritizing the shadows he knew would get there first, he brought his arms into a defensive position, ignoring how stiff they suddenly felt.

_ Probably the fear or adrenaline _ . Roman absentmindedly noted as the shadows grew closer.

When the first shadow got within reach, Roman swung at it, but it easily dodged and grabbed onto him. Though the shadow was just grappling him, he hissed in pain at the contact as just the shadow’s touch seemed to alight his nerve endings.

He swung again at the shadow grappling with him with his free hand, but before his fist could make contact, another shadow caught it and Roman cried out in pain as it felt like a hot poker was branding his whole arm at once.

_ Fuck that HURTS! _

“Fuck off!” Roman yelled through the pain, still fighting the shadows.

But the shadows didn’t listen as they continued to grapple him, Roman felt tears come to his eyes, as if he didn’t escape their grasp, he knew he would be dead.

“Let me go! Please don’t kill me! I-” Roman faltered.

He was going to say something else, but for the first time, his situation hit him.

“I don’t know who I am! Don’t kill me please! I don't know who I am! PLEASE!”

Roman was crying desperate tears at this point as more shadows surrounded him, he saw a number of the shadows looking at something behind him. He knew he couldn’t successfully turn around while fighting the other shadows, so he did what he had to.

Roman used all of his strength to pry one of the shadows off of him and start to make a desperate attempt to escape, but then two things happened at once, one more painful than the other.

The first thing that happened was Roman felt a rip deep in his upper body that was then accompanied by an all-consuming pain as it felt like Roman’s stomach had split open. Roman screamed in absolute pain.

The second thing, that past the pain consuming his body he almost didn’t feel, was a small pinch in his neck.

Suddenly, his head started to get light and his limbs sluggish. The pain was still there, but it felt like it was just receding away as his body relaxed. He blinked sluggishly at the shadows in front of him, watching them gently reach out to do something. The shadows around him also loosened their grip on him for some reason.

He wanted to move, maybe not fight…

Why was he even fighting again? It was so fuzzy…

He felt so sleepy now, maybe he just needed to sleep. His body seemed to demand it now, so who was he to refuse

Roman’s mind screamed at him, for him to get up and move, but that voice got smaller and smaller as he got sleepier and sleepier. He felt himself be lowered and he actually heard voices come from the shadows.

“Fuck, he’s loosing blood! You gotta…”

“I know!”

“We need to get him….”

“ROMAN!” 

That voice sounded familiar, he used a huge portion of willpower to try and search for the owner of the voice. He couldn’t think much now, but he was pretty sure he got his fuzzy feeling mouth to slur out a very unintelligible:

“Pattah?”

And with that, not hearing whether the familiar Patton-sounding shadow replied, he felt his head drop and his eyes close and he thought of nothing more.


	15. The Heart Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you listen, you can hear the moment Patton's heart breaks.

Patton heard the commotion before he saw it.

It had been a couple days since the doctors told them they think they could restore Roman’s memories back to their original state before the accident. There was a set of pills that had just entered the realm of legal and federally approved use. It had shown signs of real promise during its experimental stages and while it was not a full proof 100% guaranteed cure for Roman’s amnesia, it was what they hoped for.

The doctors had warned them that there may be some side effects for Roman such as very vivid nightmares or confusion. And Roman had acquiesced even knowing the risks.

“I want to remember you guys, while the accident has changed me forever, I feel like I’d be missing out on something if I just started over.” Roman had said, looking at who he now considered his friends, even if he didn’t remember them after this, he had already formed a bond, whether or not that desire for the bond stemmed from somewhere deep in Roman’s mind that still remembered his friends, he wanted to have those memories back.

Patton knew Roman couldn’t read their expressions, much less what they could be because of. They hadn’t told him about the reason he had driven off and got into a car accident, no mention of a dinner and an argument that led to the unfortunate event that befell Roman ever crossed their lips. 

That was what occupied his thoughts as he, Virgil, and Logan walked back to Roman’s room after refreshing themselves anew by going home and taking care of themselves. The doctors had assured them Roman was fine. They were monitoring him and his vital signs for any negative reaction to the drug. Roman was fine.

Or at least, he was supposed to be.

Virgil had just snarked back at Logan playfully at Logan’s comment of ‘You know build-a-bears are not alive right?’, when Patton heard someone distantly shout.

He couldn’t really make out the words, and wasn’t really paying attention, but his heart dropped to his toes as he heard Roman’s voice.

“Fuck off!

In a moment, Patton was running towards Roman’s room, Virgil and Logan no doubt right on his heels.

But when he turned the corner, he almost sobbed on the spot.

Roman was weakly wrestling with a number of doctors and nurses in the middle of the hospital hallway, various leads still attached to him with their machine counterparts closely nearby, beeping from being disconnected. 

Roman was sobbing at this point, and Patton’s heart broke as Roman pleaded for his life, begging the doctors and nurses not to kill him.

“Let me go! Please don’t kill me! I-”

“I don’t know who I am! Don’t kill me please! I don't know who I am! PLEASE!”

Patton didn’t even remember running up to where Roman was fighting, all he remembered was watching Roman’s body convulse in sudden pain just as a nearby nurse was finally able to get a tranquilizer and inject it. 

Almost immediately, Roman stopped fighting them, eyes open but not really seeing what was in front of them.

But as he did, a deep red spot suddenly bloomed on his gown around the belly area. The nurses and doctors around him became urgent again, knowing that Roman was bleeding likely not just externally, but internally as well.

“Fuck, he’s loosing blood!”

“I know!”

“We need to get him to surgery!”

Patton came up to Roman and without thinking, tried to grab him, his voice cracking as he yelled out a desperate:

“ROMAN!” 

Though Roman seemed to be on the verge of unconsciousness, Roman’s face sluggishly changed to one of vague realization. As Patton was held back by a nurse, Patton saw Roman feebly attempt to raise his head, eyes just barely open and utter a very small sounding:

“Pattah?”

And then Roman’s eyes slipped shut, Patton sobbing as part of him feared that this would be the last time Patton ever saw life in those eyes. And Patton was still trying to reach him, even as his friends took up the mantle of holding him back, shouting, at least Patton thought it was shouting, he could really hear anything over the beat of his own heart really. Even as they got Roman on a bed and whisked them far off to surgery, Patton fought with Virgil and Logan as they held him back. 

His mind screamed at them, asking them why they would hold him back.

_ He needs me! It’s my fault this happened! If I had done something this never would’ve happened! It should be me dying on my way to surgery, not Roman! Roman who doesn’t even remember who he is! Roman, who’s been my friend for years and despite his amnesia still wants to be our friends!  _

But on the outside, he vaguely realized he was crying and the statements he was shouting in his mind were grief-filled wails to everyone else. 

Long after Roman had disappeared from sight, Patton’s increasingly feeble attempts to run after Roman stopped and Patton was held by two of his best friends. His cries and tears felt like they could fill oceans as his sorrow and grief felt endless, like from sea to shining sea.

Patton’s heart cried out to whoever would listen to just take Patton instead, to save Roman from the pain and suffering. 

But no such thing could happen, and the cries of Patton’s heart fell on deaf ears and Patton remained where he was with his two other friends and not in Roman’s place.

Patton was sure… Roman was going to die now because of  _ him _ !

  
  



	16. I Just Gotta Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where was he?

_What?_

_What’s happening?_

_Where am I?_

_I hear..._

Sound, he was hearing sound. He didn’t remember the last time he heard sound.

Or... did he?

Everything was so _hard_. His thoughts felt like they had to run across a whole desert just to allow him to even think at the moment. 

What was he hearing? His ears were picking up a signal, what was the signal telling him?

Listen.

...

_Sniff._

What was that?

That wasn’t him... who was it?

He listened.... and listened...

But... his ears suddenly felt like they had cotton stuffed in them.

He couldn’t focus.

He could hear... something, but it was suddenly far away.

“There....risk...sorry...stop....”

They were talking... whoever _they_ were. Were they talking about him? He didn’t know.

He heard a soft groan, and he felt his chest distantly vibrate. Was that him?

The voices stopped, or... no, now one felt close. 

He felt a distant sensation of someone gripping his hand. 

“Rom...wak...”

Were they speaking to him?

He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t even tell if he was on a bed or sitting, he just felt he was spinning.

The hand felt like it was gripping tighter, but he suddenly felt like he was being dragged down by 2 two weights on each of his joints.

The last thing he remembered was barely managing to weakly squeeze the hand in his, hearing something like a sob before the weights pulled his mind into sleep.

-

_“Wake up sleepy head!”_

_Roman groaned, the sensation of something hitting his face butting into his awareness. He blindly gripped the object and tossed it in a random direction away from him._

_He heard a snort above him._

_“That wasn't even close, you need to step up your throwing game Princey.”_

_(Princey?)_

_Roman turned to face away from the voice, his body demanding for him to sink back into the embrace of sleep._

_That was until the covers were suddenly pulled off of him, he shivered at the sudden exposing of his body to the open air of the room._

_With a rising frustration, though he wouldn’t admit it was grumpy instead of true frustration, he shoved himself up rapidly, wincing a little at the slight off-kilter feeling it gave him. He blinked once or twice before focusing on who had been speaking above him._

_“Cut it out V...”_

_(V? What? Why couldn’t he...?)_

_The person in front of him looked young (younger?) They looked like the spitting image of an emo as Roman ever did see one. Everything save for the purple patch hoodie they had. It looked... good on them._

_They... no, V smirked at Roman’s response. V answered back, sarcasm laid on thick, expression full of mock apologetics._

_“Oh, I suppose trying to wake you up so that we don’t miss getting dressed for our friends’ wedding is totally unreasonable for me to so_ **rudely** _wake you up from your beauty sleep for! I’ll let you miss it then!”_

_(Wedding? Friends... wait...)_

_Roman felt his heart double in pace, looking directly in the emo’s eyes as his body went stiff from realization._

_“Oh... fuck...”_

_V chuckled and took a step back, seeming to be waiting for something._

_“Oh fuck is right.”_

_The words had barely left V’s mouth before Roman had catapulted himself from bed, grabbed a few items as he brushed his hair a few times and then sprinted out the door and into a shared bathroom down the hallway a bit._

_He felt like he had done this many times before, a routine that was down to a science, but for the life of him as he stared at his reflection for a moment, he couldn’t remember a single instance of ever doing this. That should’ve really worried him a bit more, but he just continued through the routine he couldn’t remember in a place he couldn’t write recall._

_His hands flitted across his face, applying foundation and a little bit of blush, putting gel in his hair to ensure it stayed put. His movements were swift, but calculated nonetheless._

_It felt like mere moments before he heard a knock on the bathroom door. A muffled voice from V came through the door._

_“You about done in there Mr. Perfect?”_

_“I’m just about done, don’t worry your pretty head about me!”_

_Roman could feel Virgil’s smirk through the door._

_“Aw... you think I’m pretty!”_

_It was Roman’s turn to smirk._

_“Of course, that’s why I’m dating you Marilyn Morose!” (Dating? Wha?)_

_Roman’s smirk intensified as he got the feeling that Virgil was most definitely blushing behind the door._

_On cue, he realized he was at the end of his routine and opened the door to uncover if his intuition was truly correct._

_The sight was just as he was imagining it, save for Vs much more sophisticated suit that nearly made his knees buckle at the sight of them. V’s face was beet red as he had his head turned away from the door, even though Roman couldn't have seen him through it anyway until he opened the door._

_V looked up as he did so and his eyes widened, probably similar thoughts to Roman going through his mind. Roman relished that, watching Virgil’s eyes look him over._

_Suddenly, Roman realized they were very close._

_Virgil spoke, voice almost to loud despite the fact his voice was barely a whisper. His voice came out slightly ragged, breaking at the last word._

_“You got, uh...”_

_Roman looked into V’s eyes._

_“What?”_

_And suddenly, his vision was nothing but_ **_him_ ** **.**

_They were kissing!_

_Roman’s world filled fireworks, the faint smell of lavender and wood smoke along with a note of coffee filled his awareness._

_No._

_It was all Roman_ **was** _aware of, just the contact and_ **V** _. (He was disappointed he couldn’t remember V’s_ **_name,_ ** _kissing like this and all.)_

_But as quick as a flash, there was no one._

_He opened his eyes, but nothing changed, his surroundings were as black as the inside of his eyelids._

_He was still in the same position as when he was kissing V, but he tensed up, jerking his limbs as a_ **need** gripped him.

_He... needed to do something._

_What was it?_

_**Wake up.** _ _He heard someone say, but he still couldn’t see anything, rapidly looking around to find it’s source._

**_Wake up!_ **

_This was louder, and... more clear._

_His brain reeled trying to grasp onto the concept the voice was saying._

_He was asleep? That would explain the vastness of a void around him, but then, why wasn’t he awake?_

_He... didn’t know._

**_WAKE UP!_ **

_This cry felt as if the very pillars of the earth were shaking, Roman felt filled by the cry, it vibrated his very bones._

_And that gave him all the strength he needed to do what he needed to do._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Roman alright? Who knows?

Logan watched Patton as he sat by Roman’s bedside. He hadn’t stopped crying since the doctors had to sedate Roman and had carted him off to surgery again for his torn stitches. But in Roman’s hospital room, Patton only let out his tears. 

“Patton, why are you stifling your crying? Letting out your emotions is beneficial to your emotional health.” Logan had asked curiously when Patton had quieted as he entered the room.

Patton had waved him off even as another set of tears fell down his face, “I can’t disturb him. I’ve don-” 

Patton had cut himself off, but Logan had gathered what he was going to say. 

_I’ve done enough._

That could mean so many different things, however, Logan had been with Patton for years. He understood Patton and he wasn’t blind to most of Patton’s feelings. To Logan, the devastation and guilt was written on his face. 

Truth be told, it pained Logan everytime he looked at Roman’s unconscious face. The sensation was indeed like a knife in his heart. He hadn’t ever grasped the concept properly, but now that he was experiencing that feeling, he agreed. Logan had almost called for a doctor himself when it started, but soon enough he connected the sight of Roman to the pain. 

But now wasn’t the time to address Patton’s guilt or the pain in Logan’s heart, they all could deal with their feelings about what happened after Roman was at least on the up and up.

For now, Logan just held Patton’s hand while Patton gripped Roman’s. Patton sniffed, wiping his nose with a tissue absently before returning his hand to Logan’s hand.

Patton was really the most optimistic of them three. Virgil appeared to be the most pessimistic at the moment. Virgil was sitting by the window, looking out the window down at the ground below. He was the picturesque depiction of the fateful emo look that every emo or photograph showing emo’s had. The pensive expression, the dark clothes, and the brooding posture that screamed “I’m thinking deeply about things and everything’s going to shit.”

Though in Logan’s opinion, your boyfriend nearly dying may warrant some of that sentiment.

Logan himself was equally hopeful and doubtful. The amount of blood Roman had lost had been extensive and the doctors had also said as much. But Roman was strong, the strongest of them all and Logan assumed Virgil and Patton would agree. 

So Logan held his expectations to a logical point, Roman was strong, but he had lost a lot of blood. He would pull through, he mostly had already in fact, but Logan understood it wouldn’t be without drawbacks.

A soft groan came from Roman’s lips.

Patton suddenly perked up. His hand bolted out of Logan’s grip.

“Roman?”

Logan sat forwards, focusing in on Roman’s face. Roman’s face had been mostly neutral as they sat there, but now Roman’s lips had dipped into a frown and his brow furrowed. 

Logan wasn’t sure Roman was awake fully yet, but he was at least stirring. This sure exceeded Logan’s expectations.

Virgil ran over from the window, eyes more full of energy than just moments before. His mouth was parted and his hands were shaking a little.

Patton’s voice was still soft as he ran his thumb faster over Roman’s knuckles. The sadness was evident in his voice, but he tried to keep it level as he coaxed Roman

“Come on Roman, you can do it, just wake up for me. For us.” Patton added the last two words as an afterthought. Logan wasn’t offended, but there was a glint in Virgil’s eyes that signaled Virgil wasn’t as forgiving. Tensions were high, so Logan doubted Virgil went the glare too much.

Logan watched Roman’s face carefully, his own face falling as the heart monitor slowed bit by bit and Roman’s face relaxed once again, the crease in his forehead smoothing out. Logan placed a hand on Patton’s back gently, but was shoved off by Patton’s shifting shoulders.

Patton didn’t look at Logan, but Logan could tell his own hope was fading after soaring high with Roman nearly waking up. Again, Logan didn’t fault Patton for that. Minutes ticked by.

Logan waited until Patton had dropped his hand back down to his side and Virgil had returned to the window to brood again to chance trying to grasp Patton’s hand again. Patton’s hand twitched in Logan’s grasp as he made contact, but he didn’t yank it away like he did before.

Logan slowly tugged Patton’s hand to himself. Patton turned slowly to face Logan as he allowed him to pull Patton towards him. 

Logan waited until he was an inch or two away from Patton’s ear to whisper.

“Let’s go in the hallway, love.”

Patton whipped his head up, mouth opening to protest before a wave of tears crashed over him and he catapulted into Logan’s chest instead.

“Okay, I just- I just-”

Logan ran a hand down from Patton’s head down to his neck. Patton cut himself off as his shivered at the touch. 

“I know, dear. I know you want to protect him and be there for him, but you can be in this room forever. It’s impossible. You need to take some time to get out in the greater world and interact with someone other than Roman or even us.”

Patton sobbed wetly into Logan’s front, and once again Logan ignored the sensations of the dampness against his skin from his tears.

“I- It hurts to-! I don’t want to leave-” Patton shuddered.

Logan sternly replied, “You have to sweetie. It’s hard, I know, but you have to. It doesn’t have to be far, just right outside the door, but it would do us both a little good to get out of this stifling hospital room.”

Patton gasped in a big breath of air as his cries finally dulled to a few shuddering cries. Logan waited until Patton’s cries were next to nothing before he asked Patton.

“Are you ready to go?” Patton didn’t respond for a long moment, but slowly he nodded. Logan gently held Patton as they both walked towards the door. Logan was supporting most of Patton’s weight, but he didn’t mind.

Logan was just about to shoot Virgil a look that meant, look after him for us until we get back, when they all heard the bed shift.

They all turned to Roman sitting up in bed, his eyes glassy but very much awake. Roman’s eyes locked onto Virgil at the window. Virgil’s face scrunched happily, tears of joy springing to his eyes as he took in how Roman was awake.

Roman surprised everyone when he spoke. His voice was rough and scratchy, but perfectly intelligible.

“Why do I call you Marilyn Morose?”


End file.
